Born to Run

Preface: Ok. I read the book Born to Run earlier this year. Now anyone who knows me, knows I do not run. My exercise of choice has always been laying on the couch with the occasional swimming laps; I have never exercised on a consistent basis. I also hate gyms. The idea of *going* to a gym gives me intense feelings of laziness and avoidance. On my mission, I always felt horrible for my companions who liked to exercise every morning. Me and mornings are mortal enemies, and when you add the possibility to exercise to that morning, it is not a good mixture. I think the best was when I was with Pam and there was a track behind our apartment. This was great because she could jog around the track, as I would attempt to make one slow lap and then sit in the stands and watch her run while trying to stay awake. It was a happy time.

Another aspect of my personality that is worth mentioning is that I'm prideful really stubborn. When people tell me I *have* to do something, I don't do it. People think they are really clever once they hear me tell them this fact, because they then attempt reverse psychology on me. Please note: I am not an idiot. This then makes you loose respect and credibility in my book, and I want to do whatever you want me to do less than before. To be honest, unless I want to do something or am apathetic to the cause, you have a low chance of convincing me to do anything.  I know, I'm a terrible person. I think now that you know this about me, you will find this post ironic. Not hipster-ironic, but literary element ironic. Please see the second definition for further clarification.

iro·ny

 noun \ˈī-rə-nē also ˈī(-ə)r-nē\

: the use of words that mean the opposite of what you really think especially in order to be funny

: a situation that is strange or funny because things happen in a way that seems to be the opposite of what you expected

This is a picture of my dad and me "working on our arms together". It was a joke based on something we saw on Chuck the other day. lol. 

Story Time:

There are moments in life when you hear or read something, and it rings true to you. This happened when I read Born to Run. He makes valid assertions and the logic behind his ideas spoke to me.  It is a non-fiction book about his interaction with a tribe that still exists in the canyons of Mexico who have more-or-less rejected modernization. They live a simple life, and run, a lot. They run for about 50 miles straight with no problem....and did I mention they do it more-or-less barefoot? The more I read this book, the more I realized: I. was born. to run. That is mode of transportation my body is built for. Ever since the beginning of time, people ran to get around...without running shoes. If you are not convinced after reading this book, I don't care. You might be crazy. I might be crazy. It really doesn't matter, because the point is, it convinced *me* that running is a good idea. After hundreds of attempts to convince me that exercise is not the enemy, this book changed my mind.  I bought myself some barefoot running shoes. Not the toe shoes that still give more support than you would have without any shoes, but the Xero Shoes that were created to replicate the shoes that the people in Born to Run use. An important note to make is: one cannot just simply start to run barefoot. Your feet are used to shoes, so your feet muscles are underdeveloped. Like any muscle, you have to build it up; build up to running barefoot. I started jogging around the lake by my hotel, but like every time I attempt to work out, I got bored quickly. I put it on the back burner.

Then Teri Jo's birthday came up. We went out to dinner, and over dinner, she was saying she wanted to do a 9 to 5. A 9 to 5? What is that? She explained that this sports store, Luke's Locker, does a 5K training program with different levels. It goes with the most nonathletic beginners (aka me) to people who are real runners. It is a 9 week program, and at the end, you do a 5K. I told her to let me know when sign up was, because I was intrigued. I wanted to start running. 

Pam is so supportive of my crazy.

The time came to sign up. I did. The first day of training, with the Saturday group run, was when I was in Utah. I was staying with Pam and Trey, and told Pam that no matter what I say, she has to make me run. I didn't want to start my first day of running being lazy and skipping the running-part. We jogged. Even though my sister warned me I wouldn't be able to with the altitude difference. We did it. I was so proud. My lungs burned, but I did it.

I started the walk/run program, and in the beginning it was TERRIBLE. I hated it, but since I made the mental commitment, I did not want to quit. The second Saturday group run wasn't a happy omen either. I woke up with terrible cramps and wanted to die. This did not give me any desire to get up early and go work out. Nevertheless, I went. I couldn't find where Luke's Locker was, so I was late. But I was there. I walked slowly the entire time, but I did it. I feel like that was me the first few week. I did it, and that was as positive as I could get. Running was making me more tired. I also had really bad pain in my calves after about 3 minutes of power walking which lasted the rest of my work out for weeks. When I brought this up with the Luke's Locker people doing the group runs they would say "It sounds like you need new shoes". NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! When they said this, I just smiled, nodded, and ignored their advice. Why? Because one idea in Born to Run is that we've been running long before specially made running shoes, and running injuries have increased ever since the shoe industry has started creating expensive specialized running shoes. My interpretation of the data presented to me was: running shoes weaken your foot muscles, and it doesn't matter what shoes you wear running, whether they are cheap or not supportive, because your body is made for barefoot running. Maybe I interpreted it wrong, but I don't believe I need new expensive running shoes to make my calf muscles to stop aching when I run. 

I brought this problem up to my friend Alison, who was a cross-country runner in high school. We went to see Ender's Game together with some other friends who were also on the high school cross country team. I took their running advice to heart. Alison said that power walking uses different muscles than running, so I am working out different muscles. She said to not start off power walking, but start off walking slower. She also recommended me jogging slower when I told her about my apprehension about having to jog 14-minutes straight for the upcoming Saturday jog. I thought both was good advice. It worked. 

Since those moments, my calves have stopped hurting. Honestly, I think my body just was freaking out because I was finally using it and making it work. I can power walk for 10+ minutes without the intense calf pains. My 5K is next week, and I have to say, my attitude has changed. I had an off week last week and only went to the gym twice. This week, I decided to go again after Lindsay gave me words of encouragement: "Don't be lazy." I did, and I jogged for a full 20 minutes consistently without stopping. Now I'm sure many people are like "that's nothing", but for me, this is a complete change of lifestyle. The craziest part: I'm enjoying it. I like that I can see myself progressing. I like that I used to feel like dying in the attempt to jog for 5 minutes straight, and now, it's not a problem. There are some days that I want the work day to be over, just so I can go to the gym and RUN. I was running yesterday, and it made me smile, while running. It was a crazy. Please note, this change did not happen immediately. It was hard to start, and I'd say it took me a month to genuinely like running. 

The only downside is, I have not been loosing weight at all.  I have an aunt, who my whole life is always like "you shouldnt to eat that" or "that has a lot of carbs". As long as I can remember, she pretty much always makes comments about weight and eating. This has only increased my belief that, you shouldn't obsess about what you eat to try an be skinny. You should be healthy and happy. If you feel good about yourself and your body, that's all that really matters. I've tried not to obsesses about my weight like that, because I think it makes people unhappy. Also, I love food. Nevertheless, I try to be aware of my weight. This past year at work has increased my stress and decreased my happiness levels. This is causing me to eat my feelings of stress and depression. It has also caused me to reach my end-of-mission weight. This is not good. I've been working out at the gym, but I've also been eating crap food. 

I was talking with Teri Jo, and she mentioned that she was loosing weight. I asked her what she was doing. She told me she was using the My Fitness Pal app. The free version. I'm not going to lie, when I hear "counting calories" I think of starving yourself. It gives you a calorie intake goal based on the activity of your lifestyle and how much you want to loose each week. I'm on my 3rd week of using it, and I'm not starving. I think, if anything, it's making more conscious about what I'm eating. I feel like I'm in control. Aka, it's feeding my OCD tenancies. I like it. I'm not starving myself. I'm making wiser food choices, but still get to splurge with my calories if I know I want to eat, say, a slice of the homemade apple pie I made on Sunday. Plus, you get to see the results. 

Bottom line. I'm feeling really good. I feel healthy. I feel like I am born to run, and I want to run. Fingers crossed that I can keep this up after my training program is over, and I finished the 5K.

Passion

Passion. You hear the word passion, and there are so many different connotations and ideas that may go through your head. This is the kind of passion you may be thinking about....

Francesco Hayez, Il bacio (1859)

Too bad for you, pervert, I will not be talking about that kind ;) I'm talking about getting excited about what you do everyday. Feeling passionate about your life and the decisions you make.

You see, I’ve been seeing a theme in my life recently. That theme is “what are you passionate about?” This started about two months ago. Maybe longer. Okay, for a while, I've been feeling very blah. Like there is nothing left for me in life. Everything I do has no point. I have no direction or goals. Blah, blah-blah, blah, blah. You get the idea. I was talking to my Bishop at church about how nothing excites me anymore and how i am feeling dead inside (cue the dramatics). His idea was "Think of something that you really love, that you feel passionate about, and do it." Say whaaaaaaat? Something I'm "passionate" about? Who even says things like that. Nevertheless, it really got me thinking. What kind of things do I find exciting? I started making a list, because I am a list maker (hence my love of lists). I thought of how one of the happiest times in my life was when I was on my mission, thinking of others before myself all the time. I wanted to get back to that. I sent in a volunteer application to the Ronald McDonald House in Houston, and noted a few other organizations that peaked my interest. I didn't want to apply to them all in case all of them wanted me, and I end up over-committing myself. I thought about how I really wanted to learn more of the scriptures, so I started making a list of scriptures I want to memorize. I also looked into some Spanish classes, but my work schedule is so unpredictable; I cannot sign up for regularly scheduled classes I have to pay for, since something may come up, and I would not be able to attend the classes I already paid for. It was really invigorating. Except the volunteering didn't happen immediately. Turns out you have to do training before you can volunteer, and finding a time slot I can attend is a wee bit tricky.

Later I came across this. My company has this central website that has articles and updates about the company. There was this article written by Mark Sanborn. There were 5 questions and descriptions of the questions that got me thinking. So the questions (with some of my answers) are:

1.      What would you do for free? Is there an activity you enjoy so much that you’d do it for free, even if other people would consider it work?
-Travel. I would travel for free forever if I could. 
-Read Harry Potter books....read most books actually
-Write a blog...oh wait....I already do that
-Watch Scandal...check.
-Sleep and/or nap

2.      What riles you? Irritation can be a great motivator. Are there problems or annoyances that drive you up the wall? Perhaps you can find your passion in fixing them.
-Human trafficking, especially the sex slave trade
-Deforestation and humans ruining animal environments
-Sexist behavior
-Racism. Even when you say it as a joke, it's still racist
-Politics
-stupid people, and uneducated people
-Genocide
-North Korea (heinous human rights violations aka their modern concentration camps)
-Women's rights, especially in rape cases, (please refer to India's most recent issues)

3.      What interests you? What do you like to read about and study? When you’re in a bookstore or a newsstand or browsing online, what piques your interest? Do you find yourself returning to the same topics again and again? Perhaps you've found your passion. Your heart may be telling you what it wants; you just need to recognize it.
-History. Especially WWII.
-Doctors Without Borders
-Memoirs of Child Soldiers in Africa
-Defectors from North Korea
-Missionary Work with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

4.      Who interests you? What groups of people do you tend to notice? That is, whom are you most interested in helping? Are you drawn to coach, counsel, encourage, or teach? Some people have a heart for young children. Others volunteer their time to help those who are underprivileged or live on the streets…Find out what demographic you’re wired to connect with.
-Malala Yousafzai
-Doctors Without Borders
-Ronald McDonald House

5.      What will minimize your regrets? If you have regrets at the end of your life, what do you think they’ll be? We tend to ask ourselves, Will I regret doing this? But often the better question is, Will I regret not doing this? The most common workplace regrets I hear are from people who get to the end of their careers and feel like they dedicated their lives to work they didn’t feel was important or they wasted their time just to make money.
-Not seeing the world
-Not having an impact in the world

I was having a conversation with Lindsay over lunch the other day about how in college, you have theses big ambitions of having a super successful career, traveling for work, and being in high-power positions. Now that I've been in the work force, I look at all that I've achieved. I've met ever goal I've set for myself at this phase in my life. My life has gone exactly as planned. The question is: has is everything I hoped it would be and more?

My life has put my hopes and dreams into perspective. I don't want to live my life working. I want to live my life living. I believe you can live your life with work in it, and I think that living your life working are two very different concepts. I want to enjoy life. I want to be. I want to do. I want to have a life with people in in, not just my co-workers. I want to look forward to waking up in the mornings. I want a life I'm passionate about.

A week after I had a conversation with Lindsay about my changing priorities, I had an inspiring conversation with my cousin Dan. He spoke of travelling the world, something I've always wanted to do. It's not like I haven't seen the world before, but there is so much to see and do. People always tell me "Do before you..." Have fun before you get married, buy a house, own a car, become old and boring, etc. Honestly, everyone makes marriage sound terrible and adulthood: torturous. I told my new hair stylist of my dreams, and he said "do it while you're young. you're still a baby! you have to do it now." 

I was reading this article online and the one line that stood out to me was: The person you will spend the most time with in your life is YOURSELF, so better try to make yourself as interesting as possible. I loved it. I loved it, and it further encouraged my new life plan. What is my new life plan, you may ask. Well guess what? I can't tell you. Not right now. I'm working on living in the present, and when I think of my new life plan, I get so excited for the future, I forget to enjoy the now. I have my volunteer training on Saturday, which will hopefully kick off some volunteer time. I just joined a 9 to 5 running program with Teri Jo, where you start running (walking for me) and after 9 weeks  you accomplish your goal of running a 5K. I want to build up my endurance and maybe become a runner, so I can escape if I need to run for my life.  I am have a goal of doing a Urban Survival class, so I can avoid being taken. That's right. The next year of my life is going to be a training and preparation for any adventure that can come my way...and I am excited.

PS. This is MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, not a photo I found on the internet :P

I Believe in a Thing Called Love

This is a love story. This will also be a "Natasha Story" as my high school bffs call it, meaning it will be a really long story and will take forever to get to the point. This love story starts on Sept 26, when I had to wake up really early and was miserable having to leave my wonderfully comfortable hotel bed to go to an early meeting, after staying up to work on a presentation I was going to give, but never ended up making changes to it, since my calculations were not making sense. I realized that I was a little Europe homesick. I have a group message on Whatapp with some of my friends from studying in Spain in this group. Becca tried to comfort me in my distress from the day saying, "don't worry, we will be in Guatemala soon. your job is paying for it!" and I said "I kinda want to switch Guatemala for Germany." She said "I'm okay with either, just as long as we go somewhere" wow. that was one of the greatest and easiest change of plans. It got me pretty excited. I was on cloud nine. Sadly, even though I was in a great mood, I was having some bad luck. Nevertheless, this news put a spring in my step all weekend.

I left work a little early to go pick up Teri Jo from work and start our weekend. It was gross stop-and-go traffic all to the airport. Bah humbug. The traffic wasn't as terrible as anticipated, so we arrived early. This was good because I was getting hangry for some food. The flight was good, and I got to start The Spy Who Loved, which is a biography about WWII spy who kept on blowing my mind with her quick thinking in super intense situations. We got to the LaGuardia pretty late and got in the taxi line, only for it to be ridiculously slow. The New Yorkers in line were getting very vocally upset and verbally assaulting the worker over the line. I was part amused and part horrified. Luckily, we got a taxi without any bloodshed, but after a super long wait.

We got to the hotel we were staying at, the W in Time Square. Teri Jo's friend is a chef for a super fancy hotel in Boston, and got us a friend-rate. So we walked into the hotel, and the lobby/check-in area is on the 7th floor. The 7th floor is also a club. There were people dancing,and great music. We checked in and got into a different set of elevators to get up to the room, except you have to insert your hotel card to get to the floor you needed. Teri Jo was having major problems with the key card. lol. I used my hotel expertise to get us to our room...and the room was super swanky with a beautiful view of Time Square. I hoped in the shower so I could sleep in a little more the next morning since we were going to get some CRONUTS!!!

Saturday morning began with waking up, putting on my red lipstick, and grabbing a scarf to keep me warm in the chilly weather...at 5:30am. We got a taxi to take us down to Dominique Ansel's Bakery, and figured out where it was at from the line that had already formed. We took a seat on the side walk and attempted to stay warm, and made a friend. She worked in fashion design for bathing suits at Target. She was pretty cool, and we became friends for the 3 hours we were in line. The bakery is pretty small, so you go into the bakery in groups. We were in the second group. There was someone waiting in line in a sleeping bag, napping. There was also another person with an office chair, which they claim they found outside by and took it to the line with them. lol.
We were waiting in line for the cronut inside the bakery. I spotted Dominique, and the New Yorker girl we became friends with said that he was really friendly and took pictures with tourists. I finally got up the courage to ask him for a picture. He looked at me and said, "No". My face dropped, and I said, "Oh. Ok." to which he smiled and said "of course! How can I say no to a face like that?" with a smile. He came from around the counter and took a picture with me and another one with me and Teri Jo. His French accent just melted me. I loved it. The cronut flavor of the month was fig. Honestly, you say fig, and I am not impressed. Oh snap. it was tasty. Was it as life-changing as everyone makes it out to be? Maybe not so much. But the experience of it all made it all worth it.  I ate a cronut and ate a few bites of a frozen smore. I'm pretty sure I was about to die from a sugar coma. Luckily, I got some milk to balance out the sugar. It was great. We then took a walk to the subway station. On the way there we walked past the Dash store, and I thought of Saryah. I didn't even notice it, since I'm super unobservant, but Teri Jo pointed it out to me. We got to the subway, only for me to realize, I don't understand the differences between the metro tickets. It took a few minutes and we just chose the $10 fare ticket you can reload with more money later. We hopped on the metro, switched lines to go up to Time Square. After a few stops, we started to suspect that we were going the wrong way, except we only were sure when the train went above ground and across the bridge into Brooklyn. It was ridiculous. But I couldn't find a map of where we were on the metro, and I didn't have signal in the underground metro to follow where we were on my phone. It was quite ridiculous; it's the first metro that ever got the best of me.

We miraculously found our way back to Time Square before heading off to book a bike tour of Central Park. Sadly, it was booked, so we had to go on the 1pm tour. Since this was the case, we went back to Time Square; Teri Jo wanted to see the Disney store (she's one of those Disney lovers). We were talking and saying how we would love to just love seeing another play on Sunday afternoon before we leave, even though we are going tonight. I was kinda happy that Teri Jo was so cool with this idea, because I could honestly come up to NYC and watch plays all weekend and be as happy as a clam. We went back to the bike tour place, and it was pretty fun. The biking was relaxing and nice. Teri Jo was getting a little annoyed with me always looking behind me to make sure I haven't lost her. She called me out on it, so I stopped. This backfired, because when we got to the lake in the part, she was not there. We lost her. She found her way back, but it was not unreasonable for me to check on her. She walks really slowly, so I wanted to check on her on the bike too.

I had texted Dan earlier in the week to tell him I was heading to NYC and how I wanted to meet up. We were texting to meet up. We finished the tour, and he called. The funny thing was, when I picked up the call, I thought, 'Why is a British person calling me?' and then I remembered...hahaha, it's my cousin; he has an accent. (i honestly forget my dad has an accent most times)

Teri Jo and I went to a little coffee shop on the corner, to meet up with Cool Cousin Dan. Plus, it was almost 3:30pm, and we hadn't ate any lunch. I needed a sugar level boost. Dan met up with us, and we had some great catch up time. I was teasing him about wearing a helmet as he was biking around. He said it was because he fell asleep on his bike one day and fell off. He really is the coolest. He introduced me to the concept of traveling the world for a year. I thought if I ever took time between jobs, it would be for two months or something, but when he said a year, it was like a light-bulb turned on in my brain and in my heart.

really cool art on the side of a building off the High Line

We went down to High Line to walk the trail. It was on a list of things to do that Saryah sent me. It was really beautiful, and was a nice place to walk. We were pretty hungry, and Dan recommended a pizza place off the line. We went, and it was delectable!!!!! The wait was a little longer than was desirable, since they didn't have any slice immediately ready. Nevertheless....sooo good. Dan and Teri Jo ate it so quickly, that I tried to eat it faster, and I'm pretty sure I burned my tongue. Dan then had to go get ready for a wedding reception, and Teri Jo and I needed to get back and get ready for our night on Broadway. I ended up passing out on the bed, while Teri Jo got ready. Teri Jo and I were headed off to two different plays. Teri Jo had the dream of going to Newsies on Broadway. I never had that dream. I was willing to go, but honestly wasn't too excited about it. Luckily, Teri Jo is pretty cool, and was like "you don't have to go to the same play as me" so i took that out like a Nox spell and went to Once. Oh my. Lindsay went to see this when she went to NYC last and told me how amazing it was. Before the show, the cast is on the stage singing Irish songs. It was brilliant. Then when the first song came on it, was soooo hauntingly beautiful. I was captivated. It as a totally British ending. I loved it.

After the musicals, we met up and walked around Manhattan at night, after Teri Jo got her pics with the Naked Cowboy. It was part amusing and part disturbing. lol. The walk was super relaxing and beautiful.We walked around for a while. We went to get some cupcakes for a midnight snack. We went to Rockefeller Center, Chrysler Building, Grand Central Station, NYC Public Library (they were having a black tie event in the library. i wish i was invited), and Empire State Building. It was a nice walk, even after being sexually propositioned by random guys I smiled at in a car.

We woke up and took a taxi to go to church with the Young Single Adult congregation in the Manhattan temple building. The bishop's wife was super nice to us. Everyone in the congregation looked like models. It was ridiculous. We took off after sacrament meeting to go to brunch at a restaurant Dena recommended. It was sooo good. Plus, there was live jazz playing. The ambiance was pretty legit. We then went down to see the Freedom Tower. I forgot to get us ticket to the 9/11 memorial beforehand, but the line to pick up those tickets was super long as well.

After the Freedom tower we went to Battery Park. It was beautiful. We got a ice cream and lemoneade as we sat on a bench and just relaxed. We were relaxing and waiting for Ben to show up #multitasking I honestly wanted to find a patch of grass and lay down to soak in some sun. Sadly, Battery Park seems to be more of a plant part rather than a grassy knoll park. Ben finally showed up, and we saw each other across the memorial and Ben started dramatically slow running toward me, so, of course, I had to join in the fun. Don't tell Ben, but I had forgotten how much I love that kid! I finally got to tell him, in person, how I've joined him in the i-dont-want-to-get-married-anytime-soon-slash-i-love-being-single club. I think Teri Jo was a little overwhelmed by the energy and excitement that Ben and I created. I had to explain to her that we were kindred spirits. Teri Jo told Ben that I was like a black widow, killing everyone who might be possibly interested in me. We caught up, we caught a taxi back up town to make it back in time for the musical Teri Jo and I were going to catch before our plane out. On the plane we were joking and having too much fun. I dont remember what the joke was, but I said one of my twisted humor jokes, and teri jo said "that is dark". ben said something along the lines of "there is no darkness with natasha, because she is the light". omg. I almost died. It rivaled my super cheesy comment to him i made earlier, which I do not remember, but it was too perfect to pass up. Ben dropped us off at the First Date, literally, right before it started. I miss that kid.

First date was amazing. I was laughing so hard with the first song. It is a "musical comedy", and when I heard that, I wasn't sure what to expect, and my expectations were pretty low. OMG. TOO FUNNY! It was as if anything awkward or ridiculous happened on a first date, it was in this musical. It was great. The best part...Zachary Levi. He is amazing. His singing voice was great. He was the voice of Flynn Rider in Tangled, and you always think that that Hollywood changes voices to make it better, but his voice was exactly the same as in the movie. Afterwards, we met him in real life after the play. We waited at the stage door, and the cast came out to tell everyone it was his birthday. We sang Happy Birthday to him, and he went around signing things for people. I got him to sign my ticket and play bill. The girl next to me bought a Flynn Rider doll (action figure?) for him to sign (the box, not the actual doll). There was another girl who was telling him how she asked her friend to get something signed from him and it didn't happened and she tweeted him. He responded that he received the tweet and wanted to talk to her and how grateful he was that she came, so he could sign her stuff. It was then time for photos. I got a photo with him, and as I walked away, I looked back at him, made eye contact, and I fell in love. It was beautiful. Maybe it's true love, or it goes to show how I can only love people who are unavailable. We'll see. See....I told you it was a love story.

It ended on a great note. We took another walk, feeling high off the love in our hearts for Zachary Levi. Taxied our way to the Newark Airport, because NYC metro and trains confuse me to no end. We ate sushi and slept on the flight back. The end. 

A Workaholic's Tale (Part 2)

Short post with four funny stories from the summer at work. Because I started writing these post but stopped and now I will just post them.

After Philly, I had a super lazy weekend, spending it at home and enjoying Father's Day with my daddy. Then I had to hop onto a plane to Illinois. I started reading American Sniper and was loving it. As I met up with Dan & Tim, I was telling them about how much I love the book so far, and Tim was like "Isn't that guy dead?" And I was like, no, it's an autobiography, he's alive to write it." Tim said "noooo. i'm pretty sure he was shot this year while out working with returned vets." I looked it up, and he was right; Christ Kyle was killed this year, on Groundhog's Day while working with a returned vet who snapped and killed Chris,  another person, and then himself. It was really heart-wrenching news. I felt like my own friend was killed.

When you're on business trips with the same people over and over, you tend to get to know a little about each other rather than small talk all the time. We were talking about me not having a boyfriend. Tim told me "You have a car and a career; you dont need a boyfriend." He then went on to explain how boyfriends would be jealous of all the time I don't spend with them, because I travel for word and am never available. I said, "errrr...i'm pretty sure and car and career aren't good boyfriend substitutes" but I dont think he really understood. lol.

The next tale takes place in Atlanta. We were in the office for a long day of too much working. I take a break to read the news because Lindsay messaged me that there was an announcement with the Supreme Court ruling over gay marriage. I read the articles, and casually say "The Supreme Court announced their ruling on gay marriage." One of my co-workers looks at me and says "Do you fly the rainbow flag?" I pause and look at him saying "excuse me?" and he repeated his question. I said "I think you need to stop and think about  what you want to ask me and re-phrase your question." He did not. Paul is sitting across the table gawking at us, and I say "Paul, are you hearing what I'm hearing?" and Paul says "Yeah. It sounds like he's asking if you're gay." I nod my head and look at the guy and he's like "that's not what I meant" and I just had to laugh because it was such a horribly worded phrase, but it broke up the monotony of a long work day with a chuckle.

About a month later, (7/31) Paul is visiting Houston and having a workshop with Lindsay and me early in the morning. He is on the phone talking to someone and was like "yeah. natasha is waking up right next to me." He then pauses, looks at me and says, "that didn't come out right"  I think the best part of that day was during lunch when Paul opened up to us about how he used to work too much, and it started causing marital issues. He told us of how his wife gave him an ultimatum and how he felt that the Spirit told to discuss this with his boss, was also a Christian. His boss told him to cancel all his meetings and phone calls, and go home to talk to his wife. They talked and went to marriage counseling and really began to communicate better. He realized that he needed to make his family a higher priority than work and make sure he's making time. This made me stop and pause, because if I look at my life right now, there is little-to-no work/life balance. I may not have a spouse or kids who are suffering from my work schedule, but I'm working too much and not having enough me time. It's starting to affect my life. I went to get a facial and even the lady was like "you are breaking out girl" and it is the first time in my life that i am getting stress acne. It's gross. It is making me sleep less because when I get home, I want to stay up and do me-time things. It makes me re-think my priorities. What am I willing to sacrifice to have a successful career? How important is a high-level career to me? Is this what I want to do for the rest of my life: work long hours to make money, but not necessarily have time to turn off my brain, lay in the grass, and relax? What do I want in life, and how do I obtain it?

'MERICA

Happy 50th post to me! As a celebration....I will tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was an awkward girl trying to make friends. Luckily, she met some really cool European guys, and became very happy. A little while later, after weeks of underlying envy, some girls decided to cozy up to said girl to get in with the European guys. To this day that awkward little girl is still friends with everyone, :) So maybe that's not 100% accurate....but I think we've joked about it enough that I don't remember how it really happened. (I apologizing for posting this about a month after it happened, but here it goes)

So a few months ago Marijn whatsapp-ed me and said he was going to be in NYC this year. Now I've been wanting to go back to NYC for a while and realized this would be a perfect opportunity. Sadly, Marijn didn't want me to meet him in NYC. Instead, he wanted to meet up in the Capital of America, Washington, D. C.! Turns out Becca wanted to come along too. #win Marijn tried to get two other girls to come along too....personally, I think he wanted a weekend surrounded by girls. Nevertheless, I'm grateful it was just the three of us who met up.

Normally, I am pretty good at making an epic list of to-do/see things when travelling. This time, I have been so overloaded with work for the past months, I hadn't really had time to look at anything in DC. I put together a few ideas and whatsapp-ed them the Marijn and Becca probably a day before I got there. It was a crazy work week. I'm going to be honest, the day I was leaving to DC, I was pretty unproductive with work. I couldn't concentrate well, because I was going to see Marijn and Becca in a few hours. I love those kids!!!

I got caught my flight after trying the EcoPark parking lot at the airport. There was no one at the entrance and a sign listing hourly parking options. I was super confused, as I was pretty sure that it was supposed to be a long-term parking area. I paused but decided to go with it. I parked, and normally there is a a shuttle that finds you or place to wait for the shuttle to pick you up. I did not see any thing, and so I started walking around and flagged down a shuttle. It was sketch. I got on my flight and was super excited the entire time. Pretty stoked. The plane right was pretty good. I was trying to read a book about gypsies, but it was terribly boring, which is never a good thing to discover at the beginning of a flight. I persevered, but it was mentally exhausting. When I landed, I went out to search for Becca, because we were flying in around the same time. We decided to meet at the metro stop outside of the DCA airport. It took me a few minutes of staring at the metro card machine to figure out how to get from one place to another, how much I needed to pay, and where to pay. Nevertheless, I succeed. I then went up to check how much time we had before the train before searching out Becca. We found each other easy peasy, and hopped on the metro to the hotel. Marijn had checked in earlier in the day, and was waiting outside the hotel on a bench for us! It was a happy reunion. When we got up to the room, we found salt and vinegar chips (i said i was going to be hungry after landing) and drinks (orange fanta for me, because that's my wild 'n crazy drink) We stayed up super late talking and catching up. After staying up super late....we decided to wake up super early the next morning, because we had lots to see!

We hopped on the metro in the morning and headed into town. We stopped at a cute looking retro-feeling diner for breakfast to get our energy up. We hit up the World War II memorial, which is always beautiful. I got my picture next to the Texas part. #beststate Then we headed to the Lincoln Memorial. it was still early in the morning and quickly getting ridiculously hot. Seriously hot. Like sweating profusely and becoming gross kind of hot. Then we walked to the Vietnam Memorial. On our way to the White House, I was realizing what a terrible shoe choice I made for this trip. There were blisters already forming on my feet and I could feel them. I should have brought my travel-approved Tevas, which I normally always bring with me. However, I thought my cute black sandals were comfortable. #worstdecisionever We stopped off at CVS so Marijn and Becca could get some sunglasses, since it was so sunny, and I bought some shoe inserts, another tried-and-true female life necessity.

After the White House, we went to cool down and have drinks on the rooftop terrace at Hotel Washington. I felt pretty glamorous, relaxing on a couch, and escaping the sun. After that short break, we headed out to our tour of the Capitol. It was pretty cool looking. We got a tour and had to wear headsets so we could hear the tour guide. One of Texas' monuments in the Capitol is a statue of Sam Houston. #obvi  The art was pretty cool in the rotunda. My biggest issue is with all of America's history that could be chosen to display, one of the nine ginormous paintings is of The Baptism of Pocahontas. Why is this such a terrible painting to display along side of art depicting, Washington going to battle and the signing of the Declaration of Independence? Because it's one of the most depressing parts of American history! They could have shown art of "Pocahontas Greeting John Smith" or "Pocahontas becomes Friends with Settlers", but instead they show her in Europe after leaving her homeland and life she knew only to become white-washed and die from some disease. I'm pretty sure she's a perfect example of Stockholm Syndrome, as she was captured as a prisoner during war, and at the end of the war, she decided to stay with the Europeans. So yeah, I was not a happy camper by this display.  We had lunch in the Capitol, and it was pretty good. Then we took the underground tunnel to the Library of Congress. #ilovelibraries

The library was beautiful. They have the horoscope signs on the ground. Becca and I are Pisces. Marijin didn't know what he was, so we had to look it up. There was a Gutenberg Bible. #wow and an exhibit of Thomas Jefferson's personal library collection. There was also a great exhibit on the Civil War, which was perfect, because Marijn was asking about the Civil War earlier. It turns out, in Dutch history classes, they don't really go into much detail about the Civil War. We took the exhibit nice and slow, expounding on the details of the Civil War. I'm kinda impressed by how much I remember from High School. It was also another reminder of why Becca is so cool; she's super clever. Friends with brains are great! After the Library, we went and laid down in the grass of the Capitol building....and fell asleep. We were all snoozing in the beautiful green grass, and it reminded me of how wonderful it is to just pause for a moment or two in the day and just *be*.

Now this below picture has a little bit of a story to it. I have a co-worker, who whenever I do something outside of work that sounds pretty fun he says something along the lines of "have fun with your boyfriend" or "are you going with your boyfriend". He knows full well that I do not have a boyfriend, and do not date because my work and I are having a very intense, co-dependent, and dysfunctional love affair. When he told me to "have fun with my boyfriend" this time, I said "Thanks. I will tell him you say that." and laughed. So this was the couple photo I took with Marijn. As we were walking, (I dont remember who brought it up, but I think it was Becca) Becca joked that if we really wanted to sell it, we could get a pic of us kissing in front of the Capitol. I laughed and said to Marijn "So how committed are you to this?" He responded, "I'm European. It doesn't really matter to me" lol. He's too funny.

We headed to the Old Ebbitt Grill for dinner. On the walk over, I saw someone with the Deathly Hollows symbol tattooed on their calf. It was epic.I stalked the guy to get a good photo while he was walking in front of me. Back to the restaurant...the food was great. We had to wait for a bit at the bar, where I got a sugar boost with my yummy Shirley Temple. (why don't I drink this more???) Our waiter gave me the heebie jeebies, but we survived. We then headed to the other side of the White House, where I saw the anti-war protester lady, who I read about a few months ago. It was pretty cool, since I felt like I knew her whole life story. We took a walk to get some ice cream, because ice cream is joy. Marijn doesn't like ice cream...or joy. :P haha.

We hit up the store for drinks on the way back to the hotel. I had to take a cold shower immediately. I felt super gross after being so hot and sweaty all day. bleh. I told Marijn and Becca how happy I was knowing that no matter how gross I became, they would still be my friend. lol. We stayed up late again, talking about everything...especially, since Marijn is a guy, and forgets to share important details of his life with us, so we have to dig into his life until we know everything.  I did discover the truth about an incident that happened years ago. When I first met Marjin and the guys, we were in the library, i think we were planning a trip. Marijn was sitting across from me, and his foot hit mine. I wasn't thinking much of it, until it happened again, and he gave me a huge wink. I freaked out, because that's what I do when I think someone likes me. lol. I was really nervous, so I texted him later. It turns out....it was Jarno who texted me back, not Marijn. So Jarno made me believe that Marijn was into me. #sneakydutchman (the end of that story is that Marijn started dating my friend shortly after I had about a week of panicking)

The next day started off nicely. I woke up Marijn by jumping on his bed. lol. We headed down to the Arlington Cemetery to see JFK's grave, the grave of the unknown soldier. We went to the Pentagon 9/11 memorial, which was nice to just sit and enjoy the serenity of the memorial. After this, we went and checked out the Capital Bike share across DC. Can I tell you, I'm super out of shape, and I love leggings. I biked around in a skirt all day because of leggings. woohoo! We went biking after getting some yummy pizza for lunch. We biked to the holocaust museum. Biking on the road in a city with traffic is something I've never done. I biked around Tempe my last year of uni, but even then, I stayed on the sidewalk always. It was a little nerve-wracking, even with a Dutch bike leader. The Holocaust Museum was amazing. I highly recommend it. It's really cool, because they give you a little "passport" when you go in, where they tell you the story of a real Jewish person's life during WWII, and at each level (each level is a different time period of the war) you read about their life during that part of the war. I am a firm believer in learning from history, and although the Holocaust is one of the most horrific events that happened in modern history, it is something we must remember with a spirit of reverence and reflection in order to never let happen again. Another thing I learned is: when you are about to do something depressing, bring someone to give you hugs when you are feeling sad. It was a wonderful museum, especially since we went on the day that WWII started.

After the museum, we biked around the Tidal Basin, hitting up the Thomas Jefferson memorial, the FRD memorial (we did it backwards), and the MLK memorial, which was pretty cool. After the super long bike ride, we went to find food. We went to switch out bikes, and walk a little. We went to the next bike place only to see that there were no bikes. I was hangry, so we caught a taxi to this awesome dinner place....only to realize everyone else is eating there too. We then went to another place around the corner that Saryah recommended, but it was closed. We then went to another place only to see that it was ridiculously expensive. We then went to the 4th option next door for SUSHI!!!! Omg. It was delectable. I demolished my food, with a fruit smoothie. Food is great! We then went biking around DC to find the house that Marijn's sister used to live in. Then we decided to bike all the way back to the hotel. OMG. i am the gross fat kid. I was DYING on the bike ride back. My legs were jelly. We got back to the hotel miraculously. Marijn and I decided to take a swim. He then told me a secret that as soon as we got back to the room I told Becca and we both ranted at Marijn for a while about how we could have been together for two days and him not tell us. We stayed up super late talking about everything under the sun; there were confessions, future plans made, dreams shared, and lots of laughter. The best part is when I told Becca I wanted to go to Guatemala over Christmas, and Becca saying she would love to come along. #futuretrip We also decided that next year, we'll go to the German Christmas Markets and spend Christmas with Lukas and his family. (we did tell Lukas about these plans, no worries)

I'm touching a moon rock. #win

Monday morning, we had a yummy breakfast overlooking the city from our hotel. Our waiter, who served us the previous morning was talking to us and was asking us where we were from. Becca said "Wisconsin"; I said "Texas"; Marijn said "The Netherlands". He laughed and said "now you are meeting in Washington DC! haha. How did you meet?" We replied, "In Spain". We really have seen bits of the world together. It's funny how it took us travelling to foreign countries for our paths cross and become intertwined. We went to the Smithsonian Air and Space museum. We did the group tour, and left after about an hour, because it was taking forever. It was interesting, but we handle ourselves pretty well on our own.  We then biked over to the Union Station. It was evacuated when we got there. Something was going on, and when they finally let us back in, the sirens were still going off very loudly. It was pretty crazy. We got some Subway, and can I just say, the guy making my sandwich skimped on my pickles. It was a very sad moment. He refused to give me more pickles on my sandwich. Anyone who knows how I like my sandwiches and has heard my anti-Jimmy John's rant, knows how I feel about pickles on sandwiches. We then had to say goodbye to Marijn, who went on his way onto the bus back to NYC. Parting is such sweet sorrow. We invited him to come to Guatemala with us, but I think he's just going to wait for us to head to Germany next  year.

After we dropped Marijn off, we took a taxi up the street and saw some lovely embassy houses, or at least we think they were embassy houses, because there were random country flags and gates around buildings. We went up to the National Cathedral. Kinda weird, there was so much historical stuff there that it felt more like a American Museum than a church. Weird. There were also state flags hanging around the place. Weird. But cool to see a Texas flag.

We went back to the hotel to get our luggage and take the metro to the airport. We had time, and decided to spend some time chatting over some yummy Starbucks, with Becca's Starbucks gift card #win It was great. Becca is AWESOME. I really have some of the most amazing friends in the world. Literally, the *world*.

I was so grateful for that trip and time to get away from the stressful times at work. I'm grateful that Marijn was travelling over Labor Day weekend, so I could get away for three days. I am grateful for the time where I can relax and be myself around people I love. I can't wait to see where our next adventures take us.

One Year Anniversary: Philly Style

For our one year mark with the company, they flew us all out to HQ in Philadelphia.

Jon and I flew in at the same time (6/12), so we could drive together. Are you noticing a pattern? I hate driving on business trips. We got in, and Jon and I headed for lunch at Tony Luke's. (The week before that was Jarrett's food recommendation for me) Oh my word, it was a really good sandwich. I wish I could have eaten it all. Jon and I went to check into our rooms before going to Target. I forgot to pack my toothbrush and he wanted a new shirt. His shirt below is newly purchased from Target, and it looks good. #targetfan We had to be at HQ by 4pm, because Michael wanted to interview us for a recruitment video. I know, right? The last thing I want is to be in a recruitment video. #ilikeprivacy

When we all got there, we were put in a conference room. I still had tons of work to do, I had to get on my computer and do work while everyone was socializing. I had to make some calls, and Jarrett was all like "oh look, natasha's got phone swag" lol. All I wanted to do was sit and chat, but I had a lot to do with never enough time to do it. I did my interview where they taped me. I was so nervous. I tried to portray confidence and intelligence while mentally trying to keep still, not to twist my chair from side to side, and keep my hands from fidgeting. It was a difficult task. Then we went downstairs to the outside area. They had us sit around a table and just talk. It was pretty entertaining, because Jon, as usual, asked deep questions that no normal person would think of right off the bat. The worst was when they were off camera and we joked how we came into the program as 5 strangers but left as team or family or something equally cheesy. When the cameras started rolling again, Jon worked it into the conversation. We all started laughing. It was too cheesy to react seriously. We all got a picture, and we got one with Michael for our thank-you gift we had been planning.

We all then headed to a restaurant for dinner with Michael and the VP of HR. It was pretty fun. A little weird because we're all so close and the VP doesn't really know any of us personally, so it took a while for all of us to find a good rhythm. It also didn't help that someone kept bringing up the fact that they went to China; a sore subject for Lindsay and me, who wished to have had the opportunity to go to China. We said our goodbyes, and once the adults left we made plans to meet up again after changing our hotels.

We met up at a sports bar and grill. Everyone got some beer, but it turns out they wouldn't accept Jon's paper replacement lisence that they give you in Texas as a temp when you are getting a new license after you've lost yours. They guy wouldn't accept it, and it made Jon pretty mad. Jon made a little bit of a fuss, but we eventually convinced him to just go back to the hotel and grab his passport (because TSA also doesn't accept a paper form of ID) since we were planning on being there for a while. We all got some dessert to top off the night and it was amazing! Jon eventually came back and ordered two beers. The guy told him he was only allowed to order one at a time. Jon was mad. To help out, I ordered my first beer ever. When the guy carded me, he asked rudely "do you have your driver's license or do you need to go get a passport too?" I wanted to slap him. As soon as he brought out the beers, I moved mine directly in front on Jon. As a thank you, Jon paid for my pink lemonades for the rest of the night. Towards the end of the night, the hockey game was almost over and Jarrett didn't want to leave, which meant Lindsay had to stay behind. Luckily, Jon is much nicer and was like, "i'm ready when you're ready". We all stayed to see a little more of the game and then took off.

Thursday morning started off quite well. I went out for breakfast only to find Jon had been up a while and already eaten. Of course he has. We got to the office, and everyone when to the training except for me. I had a meeting for my freight project, that we scheduled because all my team was already going to be in Philly, so it was easier to just meet then. It was a good meeting with a lot of information, but I was excited to get back to everyone. We watched a video about personal responsibility which was highly amusing. The CEO came in to talk to us for a bit. Then we had time to do our own work, which was perfect because I had calls to make for one thing and a Friday 9am deadline on a different project.

By the time it was lunch, all the C-level execs were available, and I was able to introduce Lindsay to a lot of the people I'd already met where she hadn't had the opportunity. I saw my boss from Germany, Besty. She gave me a big hug and said "had I known you got in yesterday, I would of invited you both (me and lindsay) over for dinner at my house!" She is soooo sweet. So Lindsay and I sat with Besty, Addy, and my mentor, Vik. It was a good table, and we had a fun time chatting it up over some really good food. Honestly I wanted more, but I wanted to talk more than overeat. As lunch came to a close they had us stand up and introduce ourselves so everyone could get to know who we were. Jarrett started, and he gave so much detail  about himself, Susan had to ask we shorten it a little. Lindsay went before me, and she explained how we worked together the first 2 rotations, so when it was my turn, I had barely anything to say. Add that to me hating tons of people staring at me, I made a joke "I've been working with Addy the past 6 months, and he liked me so much he decided to keep me around longer and put me on his team" There was laughter. I think it was the good kind, not the she's-crazy-so-we-need-to-laugh-so-she-doesn't-crack kind. After lunch it was time for our "team building" aka, site seeing. We peaced out of there.

First stop: Liberty Bell.

We all headed out expecting it was going to rain all afternoon. Instead it was a beautiful day the entire time. We did a walking tour and saw a lot of sights. Liberty Bell. Liberty Hall. Second Bank of the United States. Betsy Ross House. Elfreth's Alley. Christ's Church. The Library and other things. Then we went to the spy exhibit they had there. It was legit. Spies are cool. However, I'm pretty sure I would be a terrible spy. I get too antsy.

twinkies

After walking around all afternoon, and the lack of proper walking shoes for Lindsay and I, we were hungry and our feet were hurting. We managed to get to dinner, and I was getting hangry. I was so hangry, I couldn't even act nice.

Can I just say: one of my biggest pet peeves is pretentious people. Those people who act all knowing, like they know you or know better than you, when they do not. Now, if you are smarter, more clever, or wiser than I am, I will readily admit it. I have lots of friends who I acknowledge their better-ness and bow to their advise and words of wisdom. But it is the people who act like they are better and are not, that make me mad. For example, when you are trying to tell *me* about Texas and Texans, and you've only been there a few times, you are out of line. If you've only been to one foreign country ever, and act like you're a world travelling genius with all the wisdom of the world, there is a reason I'm going to want to slap you in the face and tell you what a tool you are. If you keep telling me your opinion on everything, even when I don't care or didn't ask, and act like it is a God-given fact, then I'm going to have to use all my energy trying not to tell you off rather than pretend to be nice.

It was a fun dinner. We ended up playing a drinking game, where Jon had to drink for me if I lost. It turns out, I was pretty good at this game, but nevertheless, Jon was pretty drunk by the time we left dinner. It turns out Jon *really* likes to drink. Lindsay and Jarrett were staying the weekend in Philly and staying at Lindsay's uncle's house downtown. Jon and I decided to go over to their uncle's house to hang out before going out some more. It was our last night together, and we wanted to hang out a bit. Lindsay's Uncle's house is AMAZING! It's downtown, huge spiral staircase, and 4 stories with a basement. There is a 2-story library. I fell in love. We hung out there for a bit. Lindsay and I were laying on the bed upstairs talking while Jarrett was downstairs on the massage chair and Jon played the piano in the entrance area. Eventually Jarrett came in and laid on top of us. We were just chatting. Jarrett said that he was going to miss Lindsay when she left because she was his bestie (oh, we found out that our permanent locations were going to be in Chicago or Houston). Eventually Jon found his way upstairs too, and we all decided to go out again. Lindsay's uncle recommended a jazz bar nearby, so we hopped in the car and took off.

We got to the jazz bar and they made us go through the basement entrance. We all got our first drinks of the night. My shirley temple was on the house and we cheers-ed our drinks together when jon dropped his shot glass; it broke after spilling all over Lindsay. Not a good way to start the night. Jon was already pretty drunk. It turns out Jon is a pretty intense drunk. I dont think he means to be, but you really want him to just calm down a bit because he is unknowingly offending a lot of people. Jarrett on the other hand seems to age backwards and become very affectionate. He kept on asking for kisses on his cheeks all night, and it had to be both otherwise it's uneven. lol. we played Jenga with strangers. It also turned out that there was no jazz that night, but it was a comedy night. Some of them were funny. Some of them weren't. Most of them teased Jon and Jarrett because they were both getting really loud as the night progressed....and we were front row. The most awkward part was when a comedian asked Lindsay and I a question, which implied that we were hooking up with Jon and Jarrett. I dont think I will ever repeat the question for as long as I live, but needless to say I was blushing, and after what felt like a lifetime of awkwardness, i replied "we wouldn't know" Then the comedian started teasing them for being with us but not being with us. It was too much. Eventually, after a long night, the guys were super drunk, I was super tired, and I would be driving Jon and I back to the hotel tonight, all the while knowing I hadn't completed my work assignment for my 9am call in the morning and it was going on 2am.

work hard. play hard.

Lindsay and I eventually got Jon and Jarrett out of the bar. On the drive back to Lindsay's uncle's place, it turns out everyone is hungry. Jarrett was trying to put in the name of a place he wanted to go, but he was too drunk to type coherent words into the GPS. Luckily there is a Wendy's on a corner, so we all piled out. We're eating, and everyone is staring at us because members of our party are pretty loud. We were about to leave when Jarrett looks at me very seriously and says "I have to tell you something very important". I'm chuckling and say "what is it?" He's taken aback my my lighthearted manner and says "no. i can't tell you. you're not ready". It so super dramatic, I tried so hard not to laugh. (I asked Jarrett about it later, and he has no recollection of it. He did say "when you're ready, you'll know" lol. thanks jarrett). Jon and I dropped off Lindsay and Jarrett, and we continued onto our hotel. I was so exhausted.

Friday morning, I woke up feeling terrible. I ended up waking up before my alarm and ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I felt like death. I went back to sleep, praying I would wake up feeling better. I managed to wake up at 8am and finish my assignment right in time for the conference call deadline. After the call I had to shower and go to the airport for my flight. When I got back to Houston, I was feeling mildly better but was unsure if I would be up for going to New Braunfels over the weekend with my girlfriends. Luckily two had to cancel last minute, so we all decided to reschedule. This was good because all I wanted to do the rest of the weekend was sleep because I had maybe 14 hours of sleep over the past 3 nights. It's always a party when we get together. 

A Workaholic's Tale (Part 1)

It's been almost 2 months since my last post. Let's see how well I remember everything. After my return to Belize I slept and went off straight to Illinois for a business trip for the week. While I was there I got started on a freight project and I was given the assignment for the North American freight. It was pretty fun. I got to have dinner with Jon every night and catch up with him. I hadn't seen him in almost a year. I also ran into Tim, who was there for the other project I'm working on. I got to the office really early to get some stuff done before meeting with one of my team members, Jim. I was walking from my temp desk to Jim's office. As I was walking down the hall, I looked up and saw this guy that looked super familiar, and I had to give him a double take. It was Tim. Tim is not like my other friends. He's a co-worker friend, and a co-worker first, friend second. I have only met Tim 3 times in person, but when we talk it is like we are besties. All together, I think we've spend a total of 7 days together in person. He kidnapped me temporarily to introduce me to people I'd never met and I went on another tour of the plant with him and my other team.

The next week, I headed to Pittsburgh, and guess who I saw?!?!? Jarrett and Lindsay. I was snap chatting them my journey to the office. Dan, Tim, and I flew into the airport at the same time and decided to go into the office for a bit, because we all had so much work to do. I snap chatted Jarrett and Lindsay a pic of right outside the office, and guess who met me right as soon as I walked into the door? Jarrett. He was waiting. It was pretty funny, because to me, Jarrett and Lindsay are more friends than co-workers, so it's weird to try and act professional and adult around them, something I was trying to do because Tim and Dan were with me. Lindsay and Jarrett wanted to go out that night because the Penguins were in the playoffs. However, Dan, Tim, and I were working late, and by the time we were heading to dinner, it became obvious that it would be too late to meet up because I was already exhausted from my long flight. After dinner we headed back to the hotel.

The next day was our first day of eSourcing training. It was like college but no one expects you to pay attention all the time. Lindsay and I sat at our table together. It was pretty entertaining. I also met another person who got hired around the same time as I was; his name is Jake, and he's pretty cool. I told him later that I really liked him or I was going to kill him. Needless to say, we get along quite well. The day after I LinkedIn with him, it turns out his girlfriend checked me out. There was also a German guy there, who was soooo funny. Lindsay and I loved talking to him because he was really quiet since everyone talked to other people they were more familiar with. It was a good day of training, and at times i felt like a student again, especially when Tim and I would make a joke to each other across the room, and I would have to try not to laugh. After a long day of work we went out for some italian food. i cant remember what I ordered but when it came out the german guy looked at it and said "did you change your order?". I said, "no" and he said "that is not whatever-i-ordered". i had to laugh. i miss german bluntness. We then went to a minor league baseball game because no one was playing in pittsburgh. I got to get to know Jake a little better. At one point they were selling milk and cookies, and dan went to buy me some! #sospoiled

Wednesday, was another day in the office learning. I'm pretty sure that Jarrett was starting to feel neglected because Lindsay and I were spending so much time together without him. After work we went to a Hibachi grill. Rob made a rule that Lindsay and I couldn't sit next to each other. What can I say? We just have too much fun together. While we were there, the chef did shots for my co-workers. it was weird seeing co-workers do shots, but entertaining. Then the chef decided to toss rice at us for us to catch with our mouths. It was awkward. I went back to the hotel and found pieces of rice in my hair. bah. After, Dan, Tim, and I got donuts for after dinner snack. The rest of the week was less exciting as I had another day in Pittsburgh before flying home, where my flight was delayed and I got home super late, and felt miserable the next day. While I was working from home, i realized, I sing "As I Have Loved You" in Spanish to myself, without consciously thinking about it. #crazypants.

Can I also say, I also finished reading Lone Survivor while on the plane ride back. I was a hot mess. I was crying my eyes out in the boarding area and I was reading it. I had to pause and calm myself down because I was getting super anxious. When I sat down the guy next to me saw what I was reading and was like "wow, that's a great book" i looked up at him with red tear stained eyes and said "oh my gosh, yes". We totally connected. I highly recommend that book.

Friday night I was able to go out with some girlfriends. We went for Indian food and the place seemed a little sketchy, but it was good. We watched How to Tame A Dragon, which was sooooo good, and was a lot of fun. Saturday, I went and did Top Golf with my friend Daniel, and it was a blast. It was super hot outside, but still enjoyable....and i realized i still suck at golf. After lunch I had to go return my library books, and then I went home for the night to watch Netflix while working from home.  I had been so swamped at work, and the travelling didn't help because I never had time to just sit and work.

I went to my new office for the 2nd time in two weeks on Monday (6/10). I realized that my pink pen that Kim gave me as a going-away gift was missing. Not cool. Turns out one of the girls who sits around me stole it. I had to use my powers of being awesome to get it back. (it disappeared the following week and I haven't seen it since). Later I went to scope out a place to eat lunch around my new office. I found a great mexican place. It fits my requirements:

1. Servers must be latinos and speak spanish.
2. 75% of the people eating at the restaurant are latinos.
3. (Optional) They greet me in Spanish and speak to me the entire time in Spanish.

The drive to my place after work is like 6x longer than the drive from my previous office. It's depressing. Granted, it was only about a 5 minute drive, so it's quite painful to have to drive at least 30 minutes to work after that. At FHE, a guy asked me out like 5 times in the same night. I never even said no, but he kept asking me out. It was kinda annoying. I just told him I was busy, and when I had time, I would let him know. This is where the 60/40 rule comes in. Unlike the Hitch 90/10 rule, when you're flirting, it has to be 60/40. If it's more than 60% the guy, the guy comes off super creepy or needy. If it's less, he's obviously not that into you, and you're wasting your time. Also, if you're not willing to go 40%, you're not that interested either. It's a personal theory.

6/11:  I was feeling depressed. As I was driving home at lunch (because i decided i was going to work the afternoon from home) i decided i would work out to work off my stress. But then i got home and was like, nah....to much effort. Then I packed for Philly.

Better Belize It!

Now, a few Friday ago (5/3), at work, I was thinking to myself that I needed to get away. Someone called me predictable earlier that week and it might have had an impact on my decision making process. I then decided I needed to go to Belize. I then talked myself out of it because it was irrational and more pricey than I would have liked. I told Saryah about this thought and she was like "dude, go for it" It's not like i have any current financial obligations or responsibilities. I'm single, and have every right to pick up and go galavanting across the world if i want to. With that reasoning, I agreed. Tuesday (5/7)....I booked my ticket and started planning. it's going to be legendary. It's been a while since I took a solo vacation, but luckily, I have a few friends who have been giving me great advice on what to do and see. One of my cousins gave me a hotel recommendation, so I'm going for it. I'm going to book a dorm to force me to be social. I've forgotten how fun it is to meet people and hang out with them knowing you will probably never see them again, and I cannot wait to rediscover the joy. #yolo

Needless to say, this was a much needed getaway. I dont think I even realized how much it would be needed when I purchased it, but I am currently forever grateful to my past self for this vacation. Leading up to this trip was a series of unfortunate events, and I had my fingers crossed that my trip to Belize would not follow that same pattern. The night before I left (5/23), I packed and stayed up late (like I always do before trips) watching Rookie Blue (my new summer tv show).

I woke up with only a few hours a sleep underneath my belt and headed off to the airport. After going through security, I sat down and started reading my book, A Long Way Gone by Ishmael Baeh. Read it on the airplane. Caught a taxi to the water taxi terminal. Then I read as I waited for the water taxi. Read on the water taxi, which was a good accomplishment for me because I was nervous it would make me sea sick, but it was all good. Then I arrived. Caye Caulker. The "caye" is pronounced "key". A little fact that surprised me about Belize, everyone speaks English. It's the language the learn in school, but they speak English with a Jamaican accent. They also speak their own dialect, Creole, which they learn at home and use to speak to each other.  Personally, I think they like speaking Creole, because they know people can speak Spanish, but none of the tourists speak Creole.

I got on the island and they have taxis....which are men driving golf carts. People get around the island by walking or bikes, with the option of their golf cart taxis. It was adorable. My hostel was about 50 feet from the dock. It has a magnificent view of the Caribbean Sea.

When I got on the island, there were a couple of things I needed to do...like finish booking my ATM Cave tour from the island and book a night tour. I went to book a night tour, but the group I went to, was not doing tours that night, so they referred me to another group. I started walking to where they guy directed me, but as I was walking this random guy sitting on the side of the sandy road hollered after me, "Where are you going so fast?"
I was like, "errrr. excuse me?"
He said" Don't walk so fast. Go slow."
Words of wisdom, i didn't even recognize at the moment. (the island's theme phrase is "Go Slow") I went to book my cave tour, but they recommended I pay in cash. I explained how I don't know my pin number and they explained that there was a bank on the island that would give me cash from my card if I had my passport, but it closed in an hour. I rushed to my hostel to pick up my passport and then went to the bank to get cash. It was then in all the rushing I trying to determine which tour group to go with for my Hol Chan Reserve snokel that I realized I was overthinking it. It made me think of when Saryah and I were in New Zealand and I was overthinking everything, and she was relaxed and zen-like telling me to stop worrying. I did. I let go of the rushing around. I went and booked my ATM Cave and Hol Chan snorkel at the same place so I wouldn't have to worry about it. Then I went back to my hostel and laid out on a hammock until it was time for me to go on my night snorkel. I was the first person to show up so it was me and Javier just chatting. I thought the place was cold, so I asked him to turn off the fan. Eventually we were joined by two other couples and one of the girls said "oh man, it's so hot in here". I told her that I asked for the fan to be turned off...but we eventually realized that she was from Cali and just wasn't used to warm weather. lol. It was a really good nighttime snorkel. We saw lobsters, two octopi, and some other cool nocturnal animals. It was pretty legit. After the night snorkel, I went to find some dinner, with my book, and then went to bed early so I would be able to make my 6:30am water taxi ride.

Saturday (5/25) started off very early. I was sleeping in a 4-person dorm, on the top bunk so I tried not to wake up the guy sleeping on the bottom bunk. I failed. I felt horrible. But I made it out for the 6:30am water taxi to Belize City where my driver, Tom Minor, was waiting for me. He brought his girlfriend along for the ride, which was fine with me. We had a really good chat and it turns out my name, Natasha, is a lot more common in Belize. He said he had a few friends with the name Natasha and he calls them Nat. Personally, i *HATE* that nickname, but was fine that he was going to call me that since we were going to have a pretty short time together. He drove me to meet up with the tour group I was going. I changed cars and my tour group consisted of a nice English girl with a lot of piercings, who I completely clicked with, a guy from the Bronx who looked like a total frat boy, and a couple who kept to themselves. Needless to say, I hit it of with  the Brit. We were on our way hiking to Actun Tunichil Muknal (Cave of the Crystal Sepulchre), where photos are no longer allowed due to a Frenchman dropping his camera on a 1500 year old skull. Our adventure started off with about a 45-minute hike in the forest, where our tour guide, Aaron, was showing us pretty interesting stuff, as me and the Brit decided to find out his pretty cool life story. (He wants to become an archaeologist, focusing on the Mayan people). The entrance to the  cave was amazing. after the hike you go down and see this cave entrance over a blue lagoon.

ATM Cave Entrance from http://belizetravelpoints.com/blog/belize-hotels/romantic-luxury-jungle-beach-resorts-in-belize

You are not allowed to bring cameras to the cave anymore because a tourist dropped his camera on a 1500 year old skull, which is stupid. The tourist. Not the new rule. Because of the lack of cameras, I think the tour was probably more magical, since you are paying attention to every detail rather than focusing on what to take a picture of. You walk up to the lagoon and have to swim across it to get into the cave where you are hiking for a while through tight spaces and through a stream of water that is sometimes just a tiny stream and sometimes goes drops and goes all the way to your chest. 
Our tour guide asked us if we wanted the touristy path or the "jaguar" route. lol. we chose jaguar, and it was epic. It's really hard to explain, it's something you have to try. After traipsing through the stream you have to climb up this rock onto a ledge about 15 feet above you. You take off your shoes and walk around an ancient Mayan area, which is a current archaeological reserve, looking at human bones and lots of broken pots. It was truly legendary. 'm really glad Mego recommended this to me. I really feel like this is a unique experience that cannot be replicated anywhere else in the world. At one point the tour guide stopped us to draw "ancient Mayan symbols" on our face. lol. it was great. You can still see some reddish-orange smudges on my face from when the rain washed it away. We ate lunch after the tour and got to go back to the parking area and change into some dry clothes. 

While we were waiting, everyone was being poured a cup of rum punch, and I was talking to the Brit. She found it very interesting that I did not drink and immediately inquired about it. I explained that I was Mormon. She explained she didn't believe in anything but knew about the LDS church's missionary program. I told her I was a missionary, and it was the most amazing thing of my life. Very sincerely, she asked how I felt about spending time trying to convert people to my religion. It was a very thought-provoking question for me as a very personal mission-related experience happened to me pre-Belize. I tried to convey the best I could how I never thought of it as a converting-people-thing. It was a 'I have this amazing truth that has blessed my life in every aspect, and I want to share it with the world' thing. I tried to explain how we believe that after Christ and his apostles were killed, we believe the truths they taught eventually were changed and distorted, thus leading to the existence of so many churches nowadays. I told her that after centuries of that state, God called a prophet to restore all the truths that were lost and that we have a living prophet who guides the church today through inspiration and revelation from our Savior. This is where she got confused. She thought that I was saying that the current prophet was more Savior than prophet. This is FALSE. I was trying to explain myself better, but then we started loading the bus again, and the moment was over. I wish I could have had one more minute to explain. It's better that people don't believe actual doctrine than don't believe because of misunderstood doctrine. 

After this, we drove and met up with Tom Minor and his girlfriend. On the drive we saw a lady selling mangoes on the side of the road. They had told me about this on the drive up and got really excited when they saw it. So excited that Tom hit the breaks in the middle of the road, and started driving in reverse about 100 feet to get some. It was a great deal. 7 mangoes for 1 Belize dollar. That's $0.50 American! I got some mangos to eat. They were so good. They also taught me to peel off the mango skin, instead of having to cut up the mango, as I've done my whole life. And the mangos were smaller than the ones I grew up on too! Adorable. 

I made it back to the island and met my new dormmate. She's Canadian, but very social and nice. I decided to have a nice walk around the island and go tell the tour people that I left my tennis shoes at the ATM Caves. Then I went to dinner to with my book, Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea. I had a nice quiet dinner went back to find her still hanging out in the room. She was going out partying with some German guys, and I thought about joining, but I was tired from my day and read a little before bed time.

Sunday (5/26) started lovely. I had breakfast at Amor. I also decided to read my scriptures at breakfast. I was reading in the Book of Mormon in Helaman chapters 1-5. Honestly, I cannot remember what verse I read and cannot find it when I search for it again, but I was reading about how the the people choose to become unbelieving and as a consequence of their actions, the Lord no longer protected them. In these five chapters, I remember thinking about how this happened gradually. Their unbelief didn't switch off like a light switch, it was a gradual process of allowing the bad to come into your life. It made me think of all the insanity that had been leading up to my trip to Belize, and wondered if during the chaos, had I allowed any bad into my life? As I was pondering on these thoughts, I began to read Helaman 5:12 and felt incredible peace.

And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.

After my very enlightening breakfast, I started walking down to the side of the island where my tour was going to take place. I stopped at a restaurant to take a picture of this sign. I snapped a photo and started walking away when I heard someone yell after me "Natasha!" I stopped and turned back thinking that it was someone I've met on the island, since it is a small island and I've been meeting people and seeing them throughout the day. I looked at the guys and felt guilty that I didn't recognize any of them but someone obviously knew who I was. One of the guys joked, "were you taking a picture of my bike" to which I responded "of course. its' a very nice bike."
Then another guy asked "what is your name?"
I said "Natasha" in a puzzled way; after all, they were the ones who called after me, right?
They started laughing and saying "no way! we just guessed!" and "it's our lucky day!". Someone asked my age because they were going to go buy a lotto ticket now. hahaha.
After that moment, I knew it was going to be a good day. I had to wait around on the beach for the tour to start, and apply sun block.

The tour started, and we headed out to try and see some manatee. No luck. We then continued onto the Hol Chan Marine Reserve. On the boat ride over to the area, the water was super choppy and it was a little painful going over the water and hitting hard on the way down. We snorkeled and there was one couple who was super prepared for this snorkel. They had an underwater video camera constantly rolling and a professional underwater camera. They were deep snorkeling to get close up pics of everything. It was a little intense. At the first stop, I saw cool fish, but the best part was seeing a crab hanging out underwater. I've eaten crab, and seen in on the beach, but never in the ocean hanging out. I saw an eel, who I'm pretty sure, was about to attack the male counterpart of the intense couple going up to it to take a picture. I also swam with sea turtles. Truth: this picture took a lot of effort to capture, because the girl I asked to take the picture seems to have disabilities in the picture-taking-realm of life.

Yeah. That really happened. We then went to another area, Shark Ray Alley, to snorkel with nursing sharks and sting rays. It was a little intimidating having to see these dark shadows in the water swimming around and jumping into it. I had to psych myself up and think "dont think, just do it" and I was the first one to go in! It was cool. 

We then went to another area to look at fish and coral. Then to try and see some more manatees and then we went to try and find some sea horses for the intense snorkeling couple. It was nice. One of the great parts of this tour was the company. There was an English guy who you could do laundry on his abs. #yesplease He was working at an art museum in NYC. There was a German girl who's boyfriend was scuba diving that day, and they were on the tail end of a 6-month trip in South and Central America. I got to ask her a lot of advice about going to visit the Galapagos Islands. There were two girls who grew up together in Alaska for a bit, but one of them was living in Austin, TX. It turns out that the Austin girl and I were going to be on the same flight home the next day and coordinated catching the water taxi together so we could split a cab to the airport and have some company. It was super fun and we all had a great time getting to know one another. We got back to the docks and the English guy pointed out a stingray and a starfish off the dock. It was nice. 

When I got back to my hostel I realized I was severely sunburned.  I did not realize, and I forgot to reapply. Wow. It was painful! Luckily, I brought at maxi dress so it was long a flowy and covered all my sunburnt areas, so I wouldn't get any more sun exposure. I was walking down the road to follow up on my missing shoes and ran into Javier from my night time snorkel. We stopped and chatted. He thought I was dressed up very nicely for the evening. I told him how I was very sunburned. He told me he was swinging by his house and would pick up some aloe for me. I went to talk to the other tour group and they hadn't managed to get my shoes back, so i told them not to worry about it and make sure it gets donated to someone who needs them. 

On my way back, I went by the Scuba Sensation shop to wait for Javier. As I was approaching, this rasta looking guy was like "where are you going?" I said "to this shop" pointing right in front of me, about 5 feet away. He gave off a super creeper vibe and said "can I come with you?" I said "no, I think I'm good." and walked closer to Zac, the guy who was my night snorkel guy. I chatted with him waiting for Javier to come back. He did, and brought some aloe with him, part of the plant. It was awesome. Something my mom used to do. We ended up talking for a while. We shared music tastes, I got to ask questions about Belize culture, talked about bad relationships, and we experienced a very great cultural exchange. They brought out a chair for me and we just sat our in front of the Scuba shop talking for about 2.5 hours. At one point in the conversation, Zac started asking me about what I believed in. I shared a little and listened to him tell me about his belief in the goodness of people but his disillusionment caused by people being Sunday-Only-Christians. I listened as he shared his life story, and understood the sadness he felt over the hypocrisy of some religious people. I regret not sharing more about the truth I knew, about how church is hospital for sinners. You don't go there because you're perfect. Alas, it because dark, and I became hungry. I was grateful at Zac's expression of gratitude for sitting and talking with him. He expressed his awe in someone who can sit and have a good conversation , especially without the need of any alcoholic assistance. 

That night I went to eat at Rosie's or Rose's, I cannot remember. I ordered the fish shish kebab and waited at my table alone, with my book. As I was waiting, the power goes out on the island. Luckily I have a flashlight app on my phone, so I was not too worried. This also happened the other night too, while I was in my hostel reading. It was a relaxing night, even though I was in serious pain as the back of my legs were super red. I got back to the hostel after dinner to find my Canadian dormmate chatting with an English couple who was also at the tail end of a 6 month travel around the world. I chatted with them for a while heard about their adventures. Then the three germans she met up with the night before came down to see meet with us. They went out to get some beer and got me some water. My sun burn thanked them. The germans, of course, were gorgeous. #ilovegermanguys One of the guys was curious to why I didn't drink, and I explained that I was Mormon. He had no idea what that was. I had a mind blank on how to describe mormonism to someone who had zero exposure to the religion. I'm pretty sure I gave a terrible explaination, but he was satisfied. We stayed up till the enforced quiet time came, when they went out to the bars and I went to bed. 

Monday morning, I had breakfast, I finally got wifi, which was not happening all weekend. I wandered around the island and then spend the rest of the morning on this dock reading. It was glorious. I took the afternoon water taxi off the island and it was super full. After the taxi ride, where I read the entire time (take that sea sickness!) I met up with the Austin girl and we caught a cab to the airport. We checked in and had some lunch together. We bought postcards and then got separated when she went to go find something in one of the stores and our previous seats had been taken. Instead I found a new seat and read. Boarded the plane and read. Landed back in America. Had to unload my carry-on and repack it for my business trip the following morning to Illinois.

It was a wonderful and much needed vacation. Coming back I feel so rejuvenated. I felt like I hit nirvana; I was at peace. I felt like all my previous worries from earlier that month were gone. When I explained this to Jon who I got to have dinner with up in Illinois, he rephrased it, my life got the reset button. It was wonderful. I felt super happy all week without a care in the world and without a stressful moment that could catch me.