Why do we fall? #batmanquote

As you know, one of my new years resolutions is to give dating another chance. Anyone who knows me, knows I hate dating; it really isn't for me. (Please note: This was not always the case. I used to rock at dating; it use to be a source of great entertainment and fun for me) But the past few years, it's more tedious and painful. I'm terrible at it. Lukas says I'm too pragmatic.

That's right; I had to look it up. Why does the German know S.A.T. words better than I? Because he's German. Therefore, I'm going to save you from feelings of embarrassment in the American school system and give you the definition.

I went out for snow cones with this guy the day before I left to Germany. We will call him, Mr. Ambivalent. (That's right. The gloves are off, and the S.A.T. book is out.) I had mixed feelings the entire time. There were many a times where I was completely speechless because, I can tell you he is like no one  I have ever dated previously. You can interpret this last comment as you will.

There are two red flags for Mr. Ambivalent that make me weary. Ok. One is real, and one is just something I cannot believe.

• Too much flattery. Ok. I like compliments as much as the next girl, but when you throw them out constantly and so freely, they loose their meaning and sincerity (if it ever existed in the first place).  It makes me highly suspicious. Maybe it's also because I grew up in a Latino/British culture where, in both, you tease those you love.  Either way, too many compliments makes me uncomfortable and not trust you.
• Has never read or watched Harry Potter. This is just crazy. I made a Snape joke, and he was literally like "who's that?" it was so weird. It was like an alien from another plant was in the room and I was trying to explain breathing to him. Out of body experience. 

• Now, I will say, in retelling this story, I have discovered that my faux-bro, Stevie has never read or watched Harry Potter. Say WHAT? He was at my house all the time, and somehow this family obsession never rubbed off on him. Don't worry Stevie, I will make sure you're children grow up with the joy of Potter-dom. 
• I also had to message this other guy, who I mega crushed on a few years ago, about it, because we would always argue (and it still comes up)  about Harry Potter and his need to read it. Yes. You still need to read it, even though we aren't planning on dating anymore. 

Anyways....I'll skip a lot the details, because i'm boring myself. Bottom line is, I couldn't tell if Mr. Ambivalent liked me or not after, because he didn't make any attempt to talk to me of his own free will. I hadn't heard from him in about 2 weeks and was feeling pretty angsty about it. Erica told me to, more-or-less, leave it alone. Yeah....about that....I took a step back and was like, "I hate not knowing. I'm just going to take matters in my own hands and find out myself". I texted him. *Jump to the end of our text conversation.* Under work-bestie, Charles' advice, I asked Mr. Ambivalent out. I felt like I was going to throw up when I typed out the words "do you want to meet up Friday night...." It is the worst feeling ever. I don't know how guys do it. Nevertheless, I asked a guy out for the first time, ever.

Becca reminded me recently, "dating requires a leap of faith in another person - never easy, but sometimes completely worth it". I completely agree. Faith requires trust. To find someone to trust and be yourself around, is always worth it. No regrets. I just have a problem making that leap.

He responded back that he was going to be out of town. That's it. Everyone who has ever dated knows, if you don't want to date someone you say "sorry, i'm busy" and leave it at that. If you actually are busy, but still want to date someone, you say "i'm sorry. I'm busy, but I'm free ____" and provide an alternative.

Rejected. But you know what? I lived. I was so scared (not a Gryffindor) of rejection , and while I was waiting for a response, I heard a voice in my head saying "fear is the opposite of faith". Why was I scared? I have no idea. I have faith that God's hand is always in my life. Even in my dating life. Even in the mistakes that have happened in my dating life. He guides my path and puts trials, or as I like to call them "learning opportunities", in my life. This was a moment where I took a chance; I did something I have never done before. I overcame a fear, and I like to think I'm a little better, stronger, and more faithful because of it. It was stressful and probably gave me one more old person wrinkle, but I was able to increase my belief in the teaching, "Your future is as bright as your faith."

Happy New Years everyone. I hope we all become a little stronger this year through all the learning opportunities we will have. After all, "Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up" #batman