Boys, Work, & Life

source: iwastesomuchtime.com

Let's talk about feelings right now. I remember a few years ago, I was talking to my friend Greg, and he made the comment that all girls are crazy. Being in my state of denial and haughtiness, I thought, "yeah, right, i am so sane and normal". Now, age and clarity have settled into my life and I realize, he's so right. lol. por ejemplo, i have met this guy who makes me super nervous, and this causes me to act really weird because my nervousness overrules my ability to seem any kind of cool. I say weird things and my face turns red. Lindsay thinks it's adorable I have a crush on someone. Me? No. I dont like him. Why? because he doesn't like me. #girllogic

Let's start with an amusing anecdote. Anecdote, not antidote. Because one will help you if you are dying of a crazy disease, and the other would not. I was talking my friend Petra and she was asking me if there were any boys I liked. I said something along the lines of "no, boys suck" and she asked, "are you sure you even like boys?" lol. I said "oh, i like boys." that's the problem. I just know what I do and don't want. Mix that with the phrase "he's just not that into you" and you get my life.
Boy Rant: Complete

So one time someone asked me, why dont you write about what you do at work more? and I thought, 'why do you want to hear about what I do at work? #boring' But I will tell you. I normally enjoy what I do at work. Our company is divided into two sections. In one of the sections you have the president of that section and his VPs. I work with the VP of Manufacturing. He tells me what he wants, and I make it happen. I like what I do. I like making things happen. However, I hate when he asks me to do impossible things, because he doesn't realize they are impossible, so I end up trying super hard to make it happen only for it to never work. I almost made myself cry the other week because I thought he would be upset that I could make something happen he wanted to happen, be he was like "okay" and moved on. Now he wants me to do something in SAP that everyone is telling me I cannot do, and he's like."....mmmmm, i think you can". So I shall continue on my quest to make the impossible happen so I can create a graph about it and send it to him. He loves graphs, data, and powerpoint presentations. He's awesome, and challenges me, which I like. If I didn't respect him as much as I do, I would probably not try as hard as I do. But he's legit, and knows what he's talking about. It's cool. 

Another work story: last week, I was put on a the a materials management team for our Petroleum facilities. Oh man. This team is awesome. I met up with them a little late because we were all stuck in traffic, but it was at a different one of our Houston locations, so I go to be out of the office for the day. It's a team of four men. One of the guys described the group quite well, "We laugh a lot, because if we didn't, we would die of boredom". Let me just say, I laughed a lot that day. We had a good productive meeting, and one of the guys at that facility was our host, and he was intense. He asked if we wanted anything and I said a water. He said they didn't have cold bottled water, and I was like, "ok, nevermind" but he went and got some water bottles, and stuck them in the freezer and brought one out when it was cold for me. It make me feel super awkward, and all the guys laughed about it. 

source: iwastesomuchtime.com

I may or may not have caused a minor Cold War with me and this lady who is a total arch nemesis. Luckily I defused the bomb with the best defense mechanism...playing dumb. It worked. She's still a total arch nemesis, but now I don't get scared when i see here because I know it's not just directed at me, but to everyone. Also, I had to keep my own anger at bay when my xenophobic co-worker said a racist comment and thought I was joking when I told her it was racist and that I took personal offense to the comment. The cold shoulder lasted the rest of the week, but had to end because I gave a lesson at FHE about how everyone can get angry but disciples of Christ forgive and are loving. I made the promise, I would try to let it go, so I am.
Work Rant: Complete

So work bestie Charles, grew up as an expat. he was told me that he received kidnapping training when he was little. He got a phone number he could call from anywhere in the world and was told they would have someone there within 24 hours of the phone call. I said that wasn't very impressive, because they could have you moved within 24 hours. However, the guy told him that the first rule to being kidnapped, is to not get kidnapped. (i know, right?). The guy said to kill as many of them as possible, because the worst that can happen is them killing you which is probably better than then holding your for ransom, torturing you, and cutting off body parts to send to your family for proof that you're alive. This convo happened because I told Charles about when I was out with David, I asked him if he was going to sell me me into the sex-slave trade and he looked at me and said, "depends how much they offer". #germanhumor

Now what to say about the past few weeks since I've posted. Well, being older has is perks. As in one perk I can think of: I can now rent a car without paying extra for being underage. Please note: pretty much only america has this dumb tax. #embarrassing. Since my birthday I have:

• decided I'm want to hang out with little Ron Weasley forever, because, let's face it, he's adorable. 
• hung out with Alison, who I haven't seen in forever. She's moved back to H-town, and in celebration, we made dirt pudding, texted Chad a picture, and watched a movie. Just like old times. Love it. 
• had a Spanish Saturday, where Laura was dying the whole day and slept in the car while we were in downtown. Christina, Teri Jo, and I ate tapas, and even though they had papas bravas on the menu, it was a sham. So sad. Papas bravas are my fav tapas. Then we went to the Museum of Fine Arts to see the Spain art they brought from El Prado. Oh El Prado. Oh Spain! Te echo de menos. 
• had a dentist appointment. My dentist is cool.
• been a super lazy bum and have done a lot of nothing. 
• seen Cirque du Soleil with Saryah. It was magical. I loved it, and I'm pretty sure that I looked like a dork just staring in awe of the cool stuff. It really made me appreciate the wonderful gift we were given from God to come to earth and get a body. So cool. Another fun part was that we ran into Sam and his brother Oliver, who were also out and about as siblings. #siblingpower
• become lucky enough to get an invite to David's house for dinner with the sisters. Laura got one too and we got to experience David's great cooking. I'm impressed. Way to go. We had such a fun time together. Then Laura and I headed to the Chili Cook-Off together.
• seen a chili eating contest and a pie eating contest at the chili cook-off. Never have seen one of those before. The chili contest was painful to watch, especially since I had spicy thai food earlier that week and was dying from the mild curry. 

The best part of my post-birthday life, is that I pulled Walk-To-Remember wish. I witnessed a miracle. It was one of those miracles that have nothing to do with you, but have everything to do with someone else. But I was blessed enough to be a part of it. I am so grateful. When I wrote it in my journal, I remembered one of the reasons I write a blog; when I hand-write things, it takes forever because i write with so much detail that my hand cramps and it's insane. I won't write much more about it on my blog because I don't want to trivialize the experience, but it strengthened my testimony that God knows His children and loves every single one of them, whether they are aware of it or not. Plus, I was able to give a talk in church, which always makes me happy. Pretty much, it had been a great Sunday, that ended with Stevie & Sonja coming over with their kids and us having lots of fun. I guess that's why I was having such a rough past two weeks. it's always right before the really good that Satan tries to derail us with really bad.

"Fear not; only believe. This is a time to make resolutions that will be binding upon you. This is a season to set standards that will hold you to the right course and make you happy now and in the years that follow." -Gordon B. Hinckley,  “Fear Not; Only Believe,” New Era, Jan 2000, 4

P.S. There is a really real possibility that they are going to start production on a Veronica Mars movie this summer. #dreamsdocometrue

PPS. I read this great article on International Women's Day about women in the workplace and them balancing work and family. It was written by a successful business woman and mother, and I loved it. It really spoke to me.

PPPS. Lindsay sent this one to me. It made me realize how much I have appreciated the de-cluttered life of living out of two suitcases. I did it on a mission and I'm doing it again my first year of employment. It's funny because whenever I go home, I realize how much stuff I have and how I haven't missed most of it or even thought of it. It makes getting rid of stuff much easier. But be warned, I may be transitioning into a more minimalist mentality, but that doesn't mean that I'm not planning on going shopping this weekend to buy some new clothes.  ;)

being ASSERTIVE

So it turns out I am not assertive in many situations. SURPRISE!
This discovery all started at the end of last year. At work, my manager asked me and the other new-hires take a management skills assessment test. When we got the results back, it turns out I FAILED, and I mean EPICALLY FAILED, the managing conflict portion. I got a 47%. Seriously. Jon and I both received that section as our lowest section, so our boss, Michael, told us to do some training. The training was interesting because there was one part that really stuck out to me. It was about constructive confrontation. Say what? I know. The Assertive Communication part was like an epiphany to my soul. The irony of it came from how the day before I took this training, I was agreed to a second date with a guy, even though I didnt want to, and was planning on lying and cancelling it (avoidance = passive/bad communication).

The assertive communication said I needed to:
1. Express my thoughts, concerns, feelings and ideas
2. Request what you want directly and specifically
3. Refuse someone without feeling guilty
4. Avoid being self-sacrificing and confrontational

Now I know what a lot of you are thinking. Natasha, I know you; you are totally assertive. I'm very assertive with people I know and am comfortable with. I still am, when I'm feeling extreme or negative emotions. For example, if you hurt a friend/family member of mine, I will destroy you without any guilt or remorse. However, this is another post-mission new personality trait that I've discovered. So when I am trying to be polite or nice or I don't really know a person, I my assertive abilities are severely lacking.  For example, take the guy I said yes to on a second date. For privacy, we will call him Mr. Presumptuous. Mr. Presumptuous thought that taking me out on a date automatically means he gets to kiss me and take me out again. Negative. In my internal freak out, after deflecting said kiss, I agreed to a second date just so I can continue my fleeing of the scene (in this fight or flight scenario, I took flight). After this training, I thought, I will be direct, specific, and refuse without feeling guilty. I should not have to feel guilty about my own feelings. I should not have to sacrifice my happiness just to allow a guy to feel good about himself and get a second date. No thank you. So because i'm not 100% assertive, I was honest and specific, over a text, and not the phone. It was like a weight was lifted off me and I felt great!

Why do I have this fear of making people feel bad? Maybe because I use to be really mean and now I am forever trying to make up for the past by being super nice to people. It's true that the mission has made me way nicer than I ever have been. Or maybe I can blame my parents. LOL. JUST KIDDING! I read the other day something along the lines of: if you never saw conflict when you were young (from your parents) then you never really learn that conflict can be resolved and are likely to be afraid of conflict. I guess that's the price I will pay for never having seen my parents fight my whole life. But seriously. Maybe I'm overcompensating for my Bad Natasha years.

Another example of me learning to be assertive. I went to Monroe, LA last week for work with my boss, Addy. We had a 7 hour car drive there because it was hardcore raining so Addy didn't drive over 55 mph most of the way. It normally should only be  about 6 hours. On the drive up, it was very enjoyable because Addy is such a good ol' fashion family guy. After driving for a few hours, I really wanted to ask him some advice questions about my career. My passive voice said "Don't bother him with that because he'll think you're too needy or annoying." My assertive side said "Do it. You will never get what you want unless you ask." So I asked and he had some really good advice and things to say. The next day, I was giving a presentation to some people about the project I had been working on and had to ask a lady about getting some more data from her. She was really defensive about it and kept telling me I didn't need the information. I was hoping Addy would step in and she would respect his authority and do what he says...but he didn't. It was up to me to deal with it. I was assertive in my request and eventually she agreed. I was SOOO PROUD of myself! I felt like I could do anything!

My last example happened yesterday, when Addy told me to set up a meeting between us and a vendor. Oh man. I felt so out of my league. I felt like I had no authority to be requesting meetings with VPs of other companies and telling them when and where we need to meet. I had to put aside my feelings of inadequacy and be assertive. It is so funny because ever since our training and discussion with Michael over what we learned, Jon and I have been constantly sharing our experiences of being assertive and the outcomes. It is really encouraging. It's kind of like my own personal support group of being assertive. I can do it!

Topic change...but it will tie back to my assertiveness theme.

Let us define harassment in a legal sense:  the act of systematic and/or continued unwanted and annoying actions of one party...including threats and demands. The purposes may vary, including...personal malice, an attempt to force someone to [do something]... or merely gain sadistic pleasure from making someone fearful or anxious.

http://www.stopstreetharassment.org/strategies/assertive-responses/

Ladies and Gentlemen, yesterday I was a victim of harassment and I was not assertive about confronting it. Let me tell you a story. And I will change names for the sake of privacy. There are two guys in this story, one is JR and the other is Mr. Should Have Been Slapped (Mr. S) So the story begins yesterday, after I had a long day at work and went to work out, and FHE. (PS. I'm FHE Coordinator #awesomecalling). Afterwards, I was having a good time and was called over by Mr. S, who kept on saying stupid things like "you have to say yes" and repeating phrases along those lines. Then JR asked me out for Saturday night. I had to say no, because I had just made plans with someone else to do something. I felt bad because I always seem to have plans when JR wants to do stuff. His intentions have been made known, and I get the picture. Then Mr. S started bothering me again saying "you need to say yes" "you hae to say yes" and other unwanted commentary. Yes Mr. S. I get it. You really want your friend to go on a date with me. JR then took a proactive approach and asked when I will be free. Sadly, the next time I can go out is Feb 8th. So he has to wait about 2.5 weeks before a date, but it is written in my planner so I will not forget. Afterwards, Mr. S came up to me and was like "did you say yes?" and i said "yes" and he said "when" so i told him. Then he started saying how if you really want to do something you can always find time. I told him that I was a busy person and that is the only free time I have. I was like, I'm done here and walked to my car. Mr. S called me back, and I went back because I thought he was going to apologize for his harassing behavior. Instead he made me feel bad about myself. He had crossed the line from concerned friend to complete jerk and I wanted to slap him so badly. Come on, Mr Presumptuous had to wait like a month because we had such conflicting and busy schedules, not like I told him that, because it is none of his business! Get over yourself Mr. S! I should have been assertive and said specifically and directly without any guilt "Mr S. You are acting like a jerk and not like a friend. I hope you do not go around harassing girls to date your friends often. If you talk to me again about this subject, I will slap you and maybe even punch you in hopes of breaking your nose or severely injuring your person." Granted, it wouldn't have been as polite if I had stayed to respond to him. Instead, I walked off, without him knowing of his inappropriate and harassing behaviour, and he may do it again to some other girl. As a disclaimer...JR is a really nice guy, and if he wasn't, i probably would have called him by now and broken off the date due to his stupid friend.

I was so upset that I called Erica and she had to talk me down from it. She reminded me of how I need to be assertive and not worry about other people's feelings when they are doing something like that. Don't laugh it off. It's not okay. This is my number one goal for 2013. I am going to be assertive in all I do.