Willkommen bis 2014

New Years Resolutions (aka. To Do List for 2014)

I was looking back and was pretty pleased with myself for having accomplished many of my goals in 2013. I think this is the best way for me to put up my resolutions because it's good for me to look at it throughout the year and see how I'm doing. This is the first year that I've done that. It seems to have worked out pretty well.

1. Become PADI Scuba Certified - looking at this place
2. Enter Raffle for SNL Tickets
3. Go to Boston
4. Urban Survival Class
5. Run a nine-minute mile. (if my knee doesn't kill me first)...or find a new physical activity
6. Work out my arms more, so opening heavy doors is not a difficulty. 
7. Become so comfortable with my body that I could work out in a sports bra and yoga pants if I wanted.
8. Start dating again. Maybe put some effort into it.
9. Make a lemon meringue pie successfully. 
10. Learn about architecture and how to pick locks

After making this list, I realized, I haven't made any goals about really bettering myself. I was a little disappointed in myself, because earlier last year, goals about becoming a better person would have been some of the first things I thought about. Sadly, as 2013 progressed, it became more of a "Me" year; I mean this in the "I just want to have fun" sense. It was a fun year where I was able to do a lot of things I've always wanted to do. 2013 was the year to "Just Do It", and I loved it. I wanted 2014 to be a little like that too, but I have a feeling it will not. 

I've been a little more anti-social and introverted than usual over the past few months, and I have enjoyed every moment of it. Sadly, this wild ride of fun was put to a stop. I've been called to be Activities Co-Chair at church. Really, this is a good calling; it just goes against my recent track record of avoiding any socialization. It was like God said to me, "Natasha, I gave you your time to be anti-social, but now it's time to stop." Of course, He is right. I think 2014 is going to be a Back to Basics kind of year. Do the simple things in life, because 2013 was a wild and crazy ride for me. 

1. Be more social. 
2. Work on the Christlike attribute of humility. Seriously...it's hard being this amazing ;)
3. Be more prayerful
4. Go to the temple at least once a month
5. Read and/or listen to the scriptures everyday
6. Be more loving and forgiving, especially towards those I have purposefully avoided in 2013 due to the constant negativity they bring into my life

I have this feeling that 2014 is going to hold some big decisions for me. I really can't explain it, but I'm super excited for 2014. 

Decision 1: buying my very own car. 

Look out world, here comes Adult Natasha. I leave you now with my fav song at this time. Happy New Year world!

being ASSERTIVE

So it turns out I am not assertive in many situations. SURPRISE!
This discovery all started at the end of last year. At work, my manager asked me and the other new-hires take a management skills assessment test. When we got the results back, it turns out I FAILED, and I mean EPICALLY FAILED, the managing conflict portion. I got a 47%. Seriously. Jon and I both received that section as our lowest section, so our boss, Michael, told us to do some training. The training was interesting because there was one part that really stuck out to me. It was about constructive confrontation. Say what? I know. The Assertive Communication part was like an epiphany to my soul. The irony of it came from how the day before I took this training, I was agreed to a second date with a guy, even though I didnt want to, and was planning on lying and cancelling it (avoidance = passive/bad communication).

The assertive communication said I needed to:
1. Express my thoughts, concerns, feelings and ideas
2. Request what you want directly and specifically
3. Refuse someone without feeling guilty
4. Avoid being self-sacrificing and confrontational

Now I know what a lot of you are thinking. Natasha, I know you; you are totally assertive. I'm very assertive with people I know and am comfortable with. I still am, when I'm feeling extreme or negative emotions. For example, if you hurt a friend/family member of mine, I will destroy you without any guilt or remorse. However, this is another post-mission new personality trait that I've discovered. So when I am trying to be polite or nice or I don't really know a person, I my assertive abilities are severely lacking.  For example, take the guy I said yes to on a second date. For privacy, we will call him Mr. Presumptuous. Mr. Presumptuous thought that taking me out on a date automatically means he gets to kiss me and take me out again. Negative. In my internal freak out, after deflecting said kiss, I agreed to a second date just so I can continue my fleeing of the scene (in this fight or flight scenario, I took flight). After this training, I thought, I will be direct, specific, and refuse without feeling guilty. I should not have to feel guilty about my own feelings. I should not have to sacrifice my happiness just to allow a guy to feel good about himself and get a second date. No thank you. So because i'm not 100% assertive, I was honest and specific, over a text, and not the phone. It was like a weight was lifted off me and I felt great!

Why do I have this fear of making people feel bad? Maybe because I use to be really mean and now I am forever trying to make up for the past by being super nice to people. It's true that the mission has made me way nicer than I ever have been. Or maybe I can blame my parents. LOL. JUST KIDDING! I read the other day something along the lines of: if you never saw conflict when you were young (from your parents) then you never really learn that conflict can be resolved and are likely to be afraid of conflict. I guess that's the price I will pay for never having seen my parents fight my whole life. But seriously. Maybe I'm overcompensating for my Bad Natasha years.

Another example of me learning to be assertive. I went to Monroe, LA last week for work with my boss, Addy. We had a 7 hour car drive there because it was hardcore raining so Addy didn't drive over 55 mph most of the way. It normally should only be  about 6 hours. On the drive up, it was very enjoyable because Addy is such a good ol' fashion family guy. After driving for a few hours, I really wanted to ask him some advice questions about my career. My passive voice said "Don't bother him with that because he'll think you're too needy or annoying." My assertive side said "Do it. You will never get what you want unless you ask." So I asked and he had some really good advice and things to say. The next day, I was giving a presentation to some people about the project I had been working on and had to ask a lady about getting some more data from her. She was really defensive about it and kept telling me I didn't need the information. I was hoping Addy would step in and she would respect his authority and do what he says...but he didn't. It was up to me to deal with it. I was assertive in my request and eventually she agreed. I was SOOO PROUD of myself! I felt like I could do anything!

My last example happened yesterday, when Addy told me to set up a meeting between us and a vendor. Oh man. I felt so out of my league. I felt like I had no authority to be requesting meetings with VPs of other companies and telling them when and where we need to meet. I had to put aside my feelings of inadequacy and be assertive. It is so funny because ever since our training and discussion with Michael over what we learned, Jon and I have been constantly sharing our experiences of being assertive and the outcomes. It is really encouraging. It's kind of like my own personal support group of being assertive. I can do it!

Topic change...but it will tie back to my assertiveness theme.

Let us define harassment in a legal sense:  the act of systematic and/or continued unwanted and annoying actions of one party...including threats and demands. The purposes may vary, including...personal malice, an attempt to force someone to [do something]... or merely gain sadistic pleasure from making someone fearful or anxious.

http://www.stopstreetharassment.org/strategies/assertive-responses/

Ladies and Gentlemen, yesterday I was a victim of harassment and I was not assertive about confronting it. Let me tell you a story. And I will change names for the sake of privacy. There are two guys in this story, one is JR and the other is Mr. Should Have Been Slapped (Mr. S) So the story begins yesterday, after I had a long day at work and went to work out, and FHE. (PS. I'm FHE Coordinator #awesomecalling). Afterwards, I was having a good time and was called over by Mr. S, who kept on saying stupid things like "you have to say yes" and repeating phrases along those lines. Then JR asked me out for Saturday night. I had to say no, because I had just made plans with someone else to do something. I felt bad because I always seem to have plans when JR wants to do stuff. His intentions have been made known, and I get the picture. Then Mr. S started bothering me again saying "you need to say yes" "you hae to say yes" and other unwanted commentary. Yes Mr. S. I get it. You really want your friend to go on a date with me. JR then took a proactive approach and asked when I will be free. Sadly, the next time I can go out is Feb 8th. So he has to wait about 2.5 weeks before a date, but it is written in my planner so I will not forget. Afterwards, Mr. S came up to me and was like "did you say yes?" and i said "yes" and he said "when" so i told him. Then he started saying how if you really want to do something you can always find time. I told him that I was a busy person and that is the only free time I have. I was like, I'm done here and walked to my car. Mr. S called me back, and I went back because I thought he was going to apologize for his harassing behavior. Instead he made me feel bad about myself. He had crossed the line from concerned friend to complete jerk and I wanted to slap him so badly. Come on, Mr Presumptuous had to wait like a month because we had such conflicting and busy schedules, not like I told him that, because it is none of his business! Get over yourself Mr. S! I should have been assertive and said specifically and directly without any guilt "Mr S. You are acting like a jerk and not like a friend. I hope you do not go around harassing girls to date your friends often. If you talk to me again about this subject, I will slap you and maybe even punch you in hopes of breaking your nose or severely injuring your person." Granted, it wouldn't have been as polite if I had stayed to respond to him. Instead, I walked off, without him knowing of his inappropriate and harassing behaviour, and he may do it again to some other girl. As a disclaimer...JR is a really nice guy, and if he wasn't, i probably would have called him by now and broken off the date due to his stupid friend.

I was so upset that I called Erica and she had to talk me down from it. She reminded me of how I need to be assertive and not worry about other people's feelings when they are doing something like that. Don't laugh it off. It's not okay. This is my number one goal for 2013. I am going to be assertive in all I do. 

2013

At the end of every year, I name it. Normally by the summer, I have already determined what the year will be called. I have done this since 2009...so it's a pretty recent thing.
2009: The Year of Natasha
2010: The Year of My Mission
2011: The Year of Adjustment
2012: The Year of Change

So the real question I have is...what will this year bring for me? There are endless possibilities. As a new year comes, I'm making goals. Goals are awesome. So far, I have decided that 2 quotes will reflect my attitude this year:

Well...the full quote I wanted but couldnt find was:

"Be of good cheer. The Future is as bright as your faith." -Thomas S. Monson

and 

"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he's been robbed. The fact is that most putts don't drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just ordinary people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. . . .Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."   -Jenkin Lloyd Jones

Resolutions:
1. Handle adversity with grace; don't complain so much (aka don't be a negative natasha)
2. Re-discover being independent. Embrace solidarity. (I used to love being single and doing things on my own....but these past few years, I have changed)
3. Be more cheerful. Laugh more. Adulthood is making me too serious.
4. Stop forgetting to have morning prayers.
5. Go to the gym AT LEAST 2 times a week. preferable go 5 times...but at least 2.

You Say Goodbye, and I say Hello

The last two days in Sedalia finally came. People brought in food our last day (11/16) to give a warm Mid-Western goodbye. It was sad to leave because everyone is SOOO NICE! They are so warm and friendly. We were so full from all the food people brought in, we were snacking all day, so we didnt even take a lunch break. We eventually started our goodbye tour around the facility. It was sad and lasted about 2 hours...much longer than anticipated. Eventually, Lindsay and I walked out of the Sedalia facility for the last time together. We went home early so we could start packing. Well...I started to pack, Lindsay took a nap. Then we re-grouped to go out with some of the guys from work as a farewell party.

I had been debating on going all week because they wanted to go bar-hopping. (Bar-hopping in Sedalia consists of going to Fritters, the sports bar and then to Dukes 'N Boots, the western bar) I decided to go and eat with everyone and then leave if they were getting super drunk, because I hate being around drunk people. So we went to the place a little late...only for Lindsay to forget her ID. We ran back home and decided to pick up Sage as well so we wouldnt have to drive seperate cars. We went and arrived around 7:30....everyone had been there since 6. #fashionablylate We all hung out. I was really confused when the waitress asked to see my ID for ordering a strawberry lemonade, and she apologized and explained there is an alcoholic strawberry lemonade too. #heckno so we chatted and hung out before going to Duke 'N Boots. Can I just say....it was quite the experience, and I ended staying till midnight because we were having SO MUCH FUN! I had shirley temples all night long as we hit the dance floor. Lindsay and I finally line danced together! It had been a goal of Lindsay's to line dance ever since we got to Missouri. Mika was soooo funny and kept asking us to dance. I didnt realize that two-stepping is not like riding a bicycle, I didnt remember how to do it very well. Sage made a new friend. But it was great on the dance floor. We even saw a guy from work there on a date, and he photo bombed 2 of our pics, because Sage found a disposable camera from years ago and we all decided we would take pics with her camera all night. The guys wanted to go cow tipping after the bar that night, but I drove us girls home and they stayed behind. Lindsay told me the next morning they went, but all the cows ran away when they got somewhat close, so they gave up. But I went home, and ended up doing wash because my clothes smelled of cigarette smoke. I hate cigarette smoke. Truth be told, it was a good last night in Sedalia.

Saturday (11/17) I did my last minute packing, dropped off my recycling and the city recycling bins, and I dropped off my extra food at Cody's , where she gifted me a really cute blue necklace she made me. SOOOO SWEET! That's after she made me a really cute flower that she left on my door last night. She's too nice. I then picked up Lindsay and we met Sage for our last meal together. We went to Kayde's where i got a root beer float for my drink...yes....and i got their delectable baked beans as a side dish. Seriously, some of the best baked beans ever!!!! It was sad that we were leaving, but we went home to do last minute things, and waited for sage to finish running some errands before packing up the car and heading to Kansas City for the night. It was a sad goodbye....and we had just got in the car to drive away when Sage wants another round of hugs and starts to cry. Truth Time: crying girls make me nervous. seriously. Poor Sage. She's going to be left all alone in Sedalia. So we drove up to Kansas City and went straight to dinner for some sushi as our last meal. The second time we're saying goodbye to a place together. It was a chilly autumn night as we walked from the restaurant to the movies so we could see Skyfall. So good. We drove to the hotel and as we were going to our rooms, we realized it was going to be the last time we're together till who-knows-when. It was sad. After 6 months of being together everyday, working and playing together, it was time to part ways. It didnt feel like goodbye; it felt like we were going to see each other on Monday.

When I woke up Sunday (11/18) morning, I felt like i was going to meet Lindsay in the hall...but she was gone. She had an earlier flight and took the hotel shuttle. It was up to me to return the rental. I drove there, and luckily because of my huge luggage, a Hertz guy drove me and some other business guy to our terminals. I flew back to Houston and my big broseph picked me up at the airport. We went back to his place to chilax and have brunch together. He then drove me to my new home...in a hotel. Yeah, did i mention I live in a hotel now? yeah. I dont feel grown-up enough to be living in a hotel. But, he helped me move and and once again (germany déjà vu) I needed hangers. On our way out to church, I asked the front desk to get me some more hangers. the lady asked "how many?" and I said, "about 20 or 30" and she looked at me like i was crazy until realizing that I was living there for the next few months. At church, saryah had drove up too and all three of us were at church together. it was so nice! The best part was, the peterson's were there! and i sat next to them. they are too funny. After church they had a little mingle session over rice crispy treats. yum. i love rice crispy treats. We had our first new tradition of having family Sunday dinners at home. I had a really good first night back and had to take a taxi back to my place so I could be there to pick up my rental car they were dropping off for me. 

Monday (11/19) I woke up super early to be ready to get my car and drive to a dentist's appointment back home. The car people were late, and couldnt figure out where I live. There is only the hotel and a BBQ restaurant on the street I live on. Really guys? So I got the car and drove to my dentist appointment late. Then I went home and knew someone was home but no one was answering. It freaked me out, so i hid in the game room under my HP blanket for protection....only to have my dad come in from the backyard and I realized it was him who was home. I then fell asleep for 3 hours of the floor until my dad woke me up for my doctor's appointment. I'm a genius. I got there late, and the doctor was even later to see me. I got some kolaches for lunch for me and my dad. We hung out and I eventually went back to my place and a B&N to get a NOOK cover, because I already scratched my NOOK screen...oops. 

Tuesday (11/20) was my first day at work, and I felt awkward and alone....pretty much all week. No friends for Natasha. And I sit with my back to the bosses and it's awkward. I found out that my boss (who isn't even at my same office) couldnt meet with me till next week. So i had nothing to do all week. I was taken out to lunch by the plant manager and some other people in charge, and i felt so awkward, but tried my best to be social. Normally it's lindsay who is the social one, and i just get to benefit from the fruit of her social labors. Soooo much work. The only good thing about my first day in my new location was that I got to spend it with Lindsay anyways; we kept each other company through work IM all day, so i didn't feel so lonely. At the end of the work day, I tried to leave only to have my car keys stuck in the ignition (sedalia déjà vu). The car wouldnt start or anything. I called Enterprise, and they sent a new car over. I was so annoyed. 

When I got into work (11/21), I tried to get onto my computer and it was locked. I couldnt get access. I had to call the IT office to get them to unlock it remotely. Ridiculous. I realized last night that I left my leather jacket in the rental car and wanted them to unlock the car for me so I could get it out. When I called, they said that they couldnt get the keys out and had to leave them in last night when they left. I double checked and there were no keys in the ignition. Everyone was really confused. Plus, I had been calling so much, the car guy, Reid, recognized my number now. It turns out when one of the guys at work came in the car had somehow started itself and it was on, so he turned the car off and took the keys. Ridiculous. I left work and went shopping for a bit only to not buy anything because it was one of those days where everything made me look fat. So I went back to my hotel and laid out to get some much needed Vitamin D. YAY! It was so nice and relaxing. then I made the drive to my Aunt Son's house. I haven't been to her house since I was much younger. I honestly cant remember the last time I was there. #enoughsaid I got to see my grandma which was the best! she's too cool for school and my uncle john! yaya! Then my family showed up. It was nice. My mom and grandma saw the Gangum Style music video for the first time. (luckily i saw it about a week ago, so im cooler). My grandma said it was scary and she didnt like it. lol. I wasn't tired on the drive home, so saryah and i went to go see Pitch Perfect that night. #win

it was a HAPPY THANKSGIVING (11/22) when we went back to the Woodlands to have thanksgiving. it was nice and calm. the most strange thing that happened was my dad watching american football. me, him, and ron watched the Texans game. #strangethanksgiving but it was nice. we went back home and spent the rest of the night chillaxing. I spent the rest of the weekend hanging out with my parents and it was a lot of fun.

las hermanas came over for dinner! one of them was from new zealand #win

 Monday (11/26) I was able to meet with my boss, Addy, and talk about my project. I came here really not even knowing what my project was going to be. I had a general one-liner description, but that was it. He's super nice and cool. I was happy to get started working. We literally had about 4 hours of conference calling that afternoon. It was crazy. I had my first meeting after work with a personal trainer to get fit. I went out with my new friend Brittany to Bible study downtown on Wednesday and had nutella crepes at my fav crepe place. that was probably the best part of the week. Sadly, the week went downhill from there as my mid-life crisis depression started worsening.  I almost got to hang out with my scottish high school friend, Calum, but he had to go back to scotland before we made time to see each other #sadday That's right...i said mid-life crisis. Which means, i'll probably die in my late 40's, early 50's. #clairvoyant But seriously. Life was sooo boring and without meaning. I never realized how important it was to have purpose and direction in your life until you are without it. I was bored at work and bored with life. I wasn't sleeping much because all i could think was...oh no...if you go to sleep it starts all over again tomorrow! All I wanted to do was make it through the week so I could go home Friday night.

Finally/Miraculously, Friday (11/30) came around. I got a new rental car with a USB port and a working phone charger part. After work and after the gym, I drove home. And my dad had bought ice cream...Blue Bell ice cream. The magical cure-all. We ate and I talked. He suggested we go walk around the mall. While we were there, I decided to get him so grown-up casual shoes, something my dad has never owned. Luckily, we found something, and they joy of helping others came back into my life. lol. When we got home, i started feeling inspired from our conversations, and I goals started coming into my mind. It was great! It started getting late, and mom insisted that i stay the night. Doneskis. Also, unlike dad previously told me, mom wanted to go to costa rica with me. yay! And i found out that two friends from high school live in Houston and want to hang out! Friends!

Athena reminding me, you're never too old
to climb on kitchen counters :)

Saturday morning (12/1) I booked me and mom's flights to costa rica!!!! We are set. Then I started the drive  to Austin for my sister date with Athena!!! YAY! We had this on the calendar forever. I was so excited. I got there and we went on a walk around the city and had lunch at whole foods. It was really nice. we just chatted and walked together. We got back to her place after a while and watched some alias. #yesplease We then went to pick up her new bike, which is too big, and biked to whole foods to pick up some ingredients for dinner and dessert. At one point, she stopped suddenly and i swerved to miss running into her...however, my foot was not so lucky and hit the basket on the back of her bike. A week later, i still suffer from bruising. lol. it was fun. even if we bought green onions and thought they were chives. hahaha. we biked back, and i did surprisingly well suppressing my fear of the bike going out from underneath me as I make turns (cue flashback to my first and only mountain biking attempt). We went back and I got to watch Athena make us a meal. The dinner part wasn't as good as it looked in the recipe book, but the bread pudding was GREAT! We had a lot of fun before I drove back home. The best part was her advice. I told her about my lack of purpose and drive in life...she suggested a bucket list for 2013; little things i can do over the upcoming year. I'm excited and inspired.

I already have 3 things on my list 

             German class -

                golf lessons -

Tai Chi in the summer -

This past week was much better. I was a busy little bee. sunday (2/2) was good, especially since mom made an English roast and dad made an apple rhubarb crumble. yum yum. Monday was nice, and i had a personal FHE with myself as i went to see the Houston Temple. Tuesday, I had to go back home to pick up something from the dentist, so i spend the whole evening at home, and it was super fun. saryah is determined i need an expensive adult purse. personally....i would rather spend my money on travelling than on expensive personal items. but i should try to do better. As Kevin reminded me so kindly on Wednesday morning...YOLO!!!!!!! I've been planning the trip to Costa Rica all week and trust me....it's going to be Legen-wait for it-dary! That's right guys. I have even booked our surf lesson for Christmas morning. I'm going to spend Christmas surfing the waves in Costa Rica. I. Cant. Wait. I'm also looking into repelling in waterfalls. traveling to from Monteverde to Arenal on horseback. It's going to be adventure filled. If this doesn't break up the monotony of my life....i dont know what will. A couple times this week, i feel like im channeling Dena, who is my super adventurous, outdoorsy, super hott friend. aka...she's me, but adventurous and a red-head :) Life is looking up. I'm feeling more inspired and goal-oriented. I once again, I have direction in my life...and that makes me happy.

A Quote from Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland: 
Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?
The Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to
Alice: I don't much care where.
The Cat: Then it doesn't much matter which way you go.
Alice: …so long as I get somewhere.
The Cat: Oh, you're sure to do that, if only you walk long enough.